Mist (part 3)

The first time she entered my apartment, I was nervous. I pushed open the door, hit the light button and felt like a pedophile. For no reason at all, but still. When closing the door, I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone had noticed us. She noticed me being nervous.
“What are you so worried about?” she asked me.
“How did you notice that?”
“I have eyes”, she answered, as if it was that obvious. Later on, she told me that all the furniture and everything inside my apartment had told her so much about me. She was so attentive that she saw almost everything. When I saw her wandering through my apartment, I could see her ‘examining’ it. Carefully, she touched the couch, the doors, the table. That was the point where she really got to trust me. She told that a few weeks later on.
When she turned around and smiled at me, I offered her a glass of wine. She accepted it and sat down, as comfortable as if she was home. I sat down next to her, on a safe distance. You know, I was so scared to do something that would offend her…! So I didn’t dare to do anything at all. I just drank wine and talked about innocent things. And she didn’t do anything either. We seemed to be friends above all. Maybe that was the best thing we could do, I told myself. It was better, this distance, than anything else I dare not name, right?

And nothing happened. Seriously, she left my apartment in the same condition as she entered it. Nothing had happened. Nothing at all! She kissed my cheek when she left, that was everything. And she was the one doing it. I didn’t force her. Please believe me… She did it.

The next time though, things went differently. She was alone again, when she entered the cafe, and soon she asked to leave again.
“Why do you want to leave?” I asked her.
“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”
Of course I wanted to.
“I was just wondering.”
“I don’t feel very well, that’s why.”
“Maybe it’s better to go home then.”
“William, I mean it, if you don’t want to-”
“No! Don’t get me wrong! I just… Nevermind. Shall we?” I stretched out my hand, which she barely touched, smiling stately. We left.

It really started when she wanted to leave. She stopped abruptly right in front of me when walking out of the door.
“Oh no.”
“What’s the matter?”
“No way.” There was such aversion in her voice that I got worried. “Look.”
So I looked. It was raining so terribly hard that I directly understood why she looked so disgusted.
“I’m not going through this.”
“But you have to get home.”
“I’m not doing it.”
She wasn’t doing it, that was clear.
“I can drive you home”, I said.
“But what about my bike? I need it.”
“It will fit in”, I said.
“Will it?” she asked, critically looking at me.
“I can try”, I answered without any conviction.
“No”, she said. “I will stay here.”
We went to take a look at my car anyway, but it became clear that her bike would not fit in.
“It’s okay. There’s no one home now, I won’t be missed. Can I stay here?”
“Eh… Uh, of course, if you want to. I can sleep in the couch or somewhere else, I will find a place…”
“No, no. William, can’t I sleep with you?”
“With me?” I said. I started to feel uncomfortable and well, not too well.
“I’m afraid of the dark.”

And like this, dear reader, we ended up in the same bed. Distance, distance, distance, it hammered in my head. She took my hand and looked me in the eyes.
“You’re always so distant, William. But I know… I know that it’s not real.”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you distant?”
“I don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of you.”
She smiled, then looked away, caressed my hand.
“But I know you wouldn’t do that. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. Do you trust me?”
She trusted me. She embraced me and I heard her murmuring something that sounded like ‘it was no coincidence. I saw you looking at me’.

She decided to use me as a living pillow. Without me having anything more to say, she lay her head on my shoulder and asked: “Will you save me from the dark and the nightmares?”
“Of course. Don’t be afraid.”
“No. Okay. I won’t.”

And then… Then things more or less seemed to happen without us asking or demanding or whatever… Is it possible that some things just have to happen?

 

Posted by No Blog Intended on April 26, 2012

https://noblogintended.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/mist-part-3/