Who’s that girl living here?

Who’s that girl who lived here? Who’s that girl who bought those books and read them – over and over? Much like the magazines? They’re piled up in a corner of the room. Does she still read them? And there. Who’s the girl who collected those things? The gems (woaw, pretty) and the little stuff, figurines, stones, shells. Who’s that person with the pink curtains and that bed? Let alone that writing desk? Did she write these diaries and poems? Truly?

What kind of person is that?

And those CD’s, those clothes, even the wall paper. What am I supposed to think when I see this? Is this really representative for her character? Imagine the person living here. With a family. Being at ease in this place, being herself here. Knowing this room all too well and liking everything in it. The jewels she’s much attached to. Carefully chosen and bought, often worn. The pictures on the wall. They’re nice, yes. I admit that. The sheets on the bed. Just everything. I walk around here and wonder who she is. What she thinks. Would I like her?

I open the door, the door she has to know so very well. I walk down stairs. The carpet she’s seen since she were born and came to live here. The steps. The lamps. I open the door to the kitchen, something she must have done a thousand times already. Her family is seated there. One empty chair.

And I walk straight to it, going the same way since ever, and sit down on that chair.  I sit there, as always, eat together with my family, looking outside to the sight I’ve always seen.

And I wonder how much I’ve changed in such a short period of time…

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24 Comments

  1. You’re blend of your own reality and life along with fiction always amazes me. Maybe it’s in part because you keep yourself so mysterious. Either way, you have a unique way of telling a story.

    Don’t we all change a lot in a year? At least I’d hope I do too. I met a friend who I hadn’t seen in 3 years the other night. He was amazed how much I had changed. After 10 minutes he was already repeating stories he had told me years ago. Keep changing and evolving NBI! It’s good no matter how scary it can be.

    Reply
    • You flatter me. *blushes* I’m probably mysterious because I’m afraid of what could happen if I throw it all on the Internet.

      It’s indeed a good thing to change. I’m glad I’ve changed, this person seems to fit me better somehow. But it’s strange to feel such a distance between the person I was and the person I’ve become. It’s literally like it’s just someone else. But it isn’t. Brrrrr.

      Reply
      • Wait until you’re in your 20s. You’ll be a much better and stronger person so long as you do things somewhat right. You’ll also probably be more cynical. Not the worst thing in the world though.

      • Hahaha, even more cynical? Dear lord, friends, brace yourselves ;). I’m getting closer and closer to being 20. Like, too close. I wish to remain 18 for ever and ever till death.

      • Wait until you’re 25. I’m almost older than some of my favorite musicians were when they died.

      • Woooh, that is creepy.
        But at least you know you’ll never be a music legend if you die before you’re 27… Not that that’s a nice thing to know or something. It’s even slightly depressing. But okay.
        I’m always here to comfort you when you feel the need to weep about it ;).

      • I always feel the need to weep about everything ha

  2. You all grow up so fast. *sob*

    It’s always odd taking a step back into your own life like that though, and it’s easy to slip back into your old self as well, at least for a while.

    How are things?

    Reply
    • Is it so easy to slip back into your old self? I don’t know. I mean, this ‘new’ me is a very satisfying me and I don’t want to be my old self anymore. That’s ‘passé’. But somehow indeed you pick up old habits and everything. So I guess you’re right after all.

      Things are fine, though I’m exhausted (exams). Soon though I’m going on a holiday and that will be great :). And of course it’s always a pleasure to see you again!

      Reply
      • Yeah, it’s more about how the same person can be different around different groups of people.

        I’ve definitely missed your beautiful eye. Have you missed my bald head?

        Where you going on holiday?

      • Of course I missed your bald head! How could one not miss it?

        I’m going skiing in Austria, hurray :D. It’s been three years since I last did this, so I’m sooo looking forward to it…

  3. The passage of time is such a strange thing when you can mark it in the same house. I love this post! Good job!!

    Reply
  4. Addie

     /  January 29, 2013

    Tim hit the nail on the head. It’s the way you blend fiction and your life and make it work so perfectly. Great post!!

    Reply
  5. I get you. I just came back from Lithuania, from my old room… I keep on thinking how that little space was enough? So many Stephen King books, fashion magazines, writings, drawings, pictures of friends who are not friends anymore. Life changed the day I entered the plane and have flown to London never to be changed again.

    I understand how you feel so well.

    Reply
    • Hmm yes, you even left a country behind! But change’s not always a bad thing. I hope you don’t regret going to London? That’s sort of soothing for the fact you’ve changed a lot…

      Reply
      • I’ve changed to the point where I wouldn’t recognise the previous me. I don’t regret it even one bit – neither will you.

        Poetry’s in your email, btw! Better late than never?

  6. Isn’t it such a weird feeling, coming home, after being gone so long and living an independent life away from the people you’ve always been with? I love what you wrote and how you expressed your thoughts. Very relateable!

    Reply
    • Hm, you surely can relate I guess! Going to another country is another level than going to another city :). It does feel weird, hard to describe. I did my best :).

      Reply
  7. Asking some of the big questions.
    One day you’ll look back, and smile at the goofy old friend whos stuff that is…

    Reply
  8. Very clever post, my friend. Well done.

    Reply

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