I create illusions. That is what I do, every day. That’s what we all do. Isn’t life meant to look better than it is all the time? Aren’t we surrounded by illusions?

Yes, we are. But that is okay. Because it does in fact make the world look better than it is. And that’s what I try to do with myself as well. Everyway when I wake up, I look in the mirror, try to see what needs to be fixed and start putting on makeup.
(Okay, in reality, I stumble out of bed, hit the alarm clock, try to find food, slowly wake up, and then look in the mirror.)
Makeup is a lie, but a good one. Everyone knows the chances are high you use it, but as long as you do it well, they won’t really notice and they’ll forgive you. I don’t really understand why guys are so opposed to makeup, but I believe they just mean they don’t like obvious makeup. Don’t tell me that they always notice foundation, mascara and eyeliner.

Then I put on clothes and go on creating an image of a person that resembles me a lot, but isn’t entirely me. Because with all the ‘fixing’ I create a sort of alter ego. It’s not me, but a girl more perfect than me, less human than me. I want people to see me as a girl who never has a bad hair day, who never wears the wrong clothes and always knows how to behave. They probably know that’s not true, but as long as they don’t have any prove against you, there might still be a chance they believe it…

It’s just an innocent thing, putting on clothes and makeup, it’s routine. But next to that it’s the creation of a world in which a better version of me lives, and I want the people around me to join that illusion. I’ve noticed that I’d like everyone to pretend they’re less human than we all are. Which is a weird and bad thing. But I want us all to be above human things. Then I go like ‘I never need to go to the toilet’, ‘I don’t need to shave, my legs are naturally hairless’, ‘I don’t need food’ and so on. It’s like I can’t really accept the fact that that is normal. And sometimes I don’t even accept it from other people. That’s the worst part. Sometimes I forgive them more than I could forgive myself because I know it’s an illusion I try to show, and I know that they’re normal and therefore will forgive me for being as normal.

I just don’t want people to discover I’m as human as they come. I try to keep up the appearance of a normal girl that’s still somewhat above normal humans. Above as in, not having the same needs.

It sounds way more ridiculous now I’ve written it down.

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  1. I know exactly what you mean.
    What? I comb my hair sometimes. Now that’s an illusion!

    On the other hand, nothing wrong with having an ideal alter ego, as long as it doesn’t consume you…

    • Haha, wooh, you should show us a before and after pic of that combing.

      Yeah well, as a dancer of course I like illusions. I just shouldn’t expect people to do the same thing. But I’m working on it ;).

  2. I really love the outfit that matches the water, the foam, the sand. Very clever and you disappear into setting. Awesome.

  3. I can’t speak for any other guys, but I don’t like make up because it covers up natural beauty, which I find more attractive than manufactured beauty. Illusions aren’t necessary. None of us are perfect. Be loved for who you are, not who you want people to see.

    • I udnerstand what you mean, but I tend to think that makeup makes my natural beauty more clear. If a bit of foundation covers up some red spots, then why not?
      But it’s a discussion in which there isn’t really a final solution possible I think.
      Therefore I stick to the makeup ;).

      That’s why I’m not very pleased with the illusion attitude – after all it gives a chance to fail at keeping up appearances, while that shouldn’t matter…

  4. Wow, that photo is amazing!

    We’re all illusionists, aren’t we? Most of us present what we want others to see. It’s normal for the most part, as long as we don’t lose our real selves in the process.

    • We are! A blog is an illusion as well somehow. You always filter, and mostly so that the best and most interesting parts are left behind.
      But the real self, yes, we should stick with that the most after all!

  5. Ah, the perils of having to conform to what society wants you to look like.

    It’s why I lounge around in an old tracksuit when I’m at home, it helps me feel alive.

    That picture is nifty as well.

  6. I just blogged about “normal” today as well… I think you’re right about illusion though. Sometimes I have these weird out-of-body experiences where I feel like I see all of the facades and farce just falling away and leaving only the barely hidden truth behind it… I’d daresay most of our world is comprised of some level of illusion. I think that’s why transparency is so refreshing– whether it’s a lack of makeup or an admission of having to pee or a story about vomiting. People secretly relate they just don’t know if they can admit the fact until someone gives them permission.
    I vote for you shunning “normal” and flying your freak flag– we all have one 😉

    • Flying a freak flag sounds tempting! In fact we can indeed all relate to stories about what I call ‘not so very elegant’ situations, but admitting that is so hard somehow!
      Still, I’ll try to accept that we’re all humans.
      Even me.
      *aaaargh* 😉

  7. Gorgeous picture indeed.. And I see what you mean. But part of getting to know someone new is the discovery of their ‘human’ face. Their facade slowly crumbles and you see them for what/who they truly are.
    Like not wearing make-up when your boyfriend comes over or having on a tracksuit or onesie, haha 😉

    • Not having makeup is such a big step – if they stay you know it’s for real! 😉
      I guess you’re right about that human face. It’s good to know other people are as human as you. But it seems that for me, life is a stage where I always have to pretend to be someone.
      #balletrelatedremarks – because I can 😉

      • Hahaha well I recognize this in ballet, but also in my daily job. Teaching is wearing a mask 99% of the time too.

  8. Illusions and masks are there to keep enemies confused. Besides, the only people that should see you exposed and at your most vulnerable state are only those who you trust 🙂 Call it a survival skill!

    • I like to think of it as a survival skill! For a big part it is indeed to confuse the enemies.
      The problem most often is that you can never really be sure who to trust… And still you should let go of the mask sometimes!


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