A story of boy meets girl… and hurts her badly

After my last post,  the result of a challenge, I was encouraged by some bloggers to tell more, to tell what happened next. Well, the truth is that I have already told you quite much. As always though I haven’t been clear. It always takes ages for me to be completely clear about what happened…

But today, I will tell you The Entire Story. The story of boy meets girl. But not with a happy end.

As my posts are mostly vague on the events, I’ll explain it in short. I met a guy. He seemed nice. At the end of February he kissed me. We spent the night together, but as I am a clever girl, we didn’t do anything more than kissing. He told me, literally, that he wouldn’t break my trust, that he wouldn’t ignore me. And then, he ignored me.

This broke something in me for the following reasons: I’ve been hurt in similar ways before. When this happened, I was thinking I could not handle such a thing anymore. And than this happened.
I really trusted him. Very much. And then he broke my trust.
He promised me not to do that. I feel like I can never trust people anymore.
He made me feel like I was not good enough.
He made me feel like I had shown my weakness. I cannot stand that.
He made me feel, once again, that I might grow old alone.

Now that is a short, very theoretical approach. Let’s take a look at what I wrote before… And this time, I’ll put it in a logical, chronological order. (There is even a list, at the end.)

So, Caught tells the story of how it happened. How we met. How he kissed me. A few days after this event, I wrote Repeat after me. This poem describes above all the guilt I felt, the guilt for letting this happen once again. At that moment though, I was still not sure whether he would contact me or not. Though it was highly unlikely, I still had a little bit of hope, somewhere deep inside.

But that changed. And I started plotting revenge. O, like I plotted revenge! I lived on it. I lived on hate, to protect myself from ever letting myself be fooled again. I needed the anger to know that I would not tolerate it.

Later on, I kind of got over it. I started studying for the finals, found out that I hated that even more than him, and then stopped actively plotting revenge. I would still like to punch him in the face, very much, much more than I’d ever like to admit, but it’s not haunting my thoughts anymore.

So, if you want to read the story in an understandable order with more details, here you go:

1. Caught
2. Repeat after me
3. The Sweetest
4. Return to Peace

And with this being told, here’s one more reason for me to hate him: it still hurts me after more than three fucking months. And that for just one night of treachery. So I dearly hope that I can add another post one day, a post about my real revenge, a post in which I can finally tell you that I no longer care about it.

Until that glorious day I just make sure to be fabulous when I go outside, so that when we run into each other, at least he’ll see what he’s missing out on.
And I pray that it will hurt like hell.


Update: so there is a fifth episode… The final one.

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  1. Ah, it all comes together. I think I knew most of this, but it’s nice to have it all in one place, especially because I missed the poem along the way.

    It’s sad how easy it is for us to hurt one another right when we are most vulnerable. I had a very similar experience as my first time ever dating anyone — first kiss and all — so you can imagine how that set me up for the next guy. I just waited for him to get tired of me and leave, for almost the entire two months we dated. I was surprised each and every time he showed his interest in and respect for me. It shouldn’t be that way, and yet…it is.

    I’m very relieved to hear that you are a clever girl. Many aren’t, and the heartbreak is all the worse for it.

    • Oh no, a first kiss going wrong is even worse! Luckily you had your phantom to make up for it perhaps? Here’s to hoping that we will both trust the right people from now on!

      And yes, the heartbreak would have been so much worse. I would have felt so used. So I’m glad I don’t give in that easily…!

      • Phantom helped a lot. I was convinced he wouldn’t stick around if and when I established firm physical boundaries, but he did. Far above and beyond what I would have expected, given the…circumstances. He gave me hope for the male gender.

        And amen to that! I know it’s easy to fall into the same patterns, but I’m determined to progress at a glacial pace next time. My version of “slow” is still a bit speedy.

      • Good to hear that! I’m very happy for you 🙂 And you deserved it, after that first guy!

  2. And a piece of unsolicited advice — take it or leave it. It’s really just an echo of what you alluded to in “Return to Peace,” and it’s what let me return to peace, myself.

    The truest thing you’ve said yet: “But now I don’t want to waste energy on him anymore. Plotting revenge demands energy. Being angry does so too.”

    It really is a waste of energy, because they’re just. not. worth it. Not worth the indignation, the anger, or the heartache. If they act like jerks, that’s their problem, and we’re too good for them. That fact doesn’t erase the hurt, but it helps ease it with time.

    • I know… I know the theory and sometimes it works, but other times I can’t accept it. The more I dig into it again, the more I want to rip out his heart. And crush it very hard.
      It’s harder than I expected to leave it behind. Though I was thinking that maybe it would help to send him a message and tell him this all. Then at least he knows.
      Or is it too late?

      • It always works better in theory, I know 😦

        I don’t think it’s too late. You could always write it in a form that doesn’t require a response — a “see ya later, just thought you should know” type thing — so that you get closure in sending it to him without depending on an answer. Does that make sense? I can actually email you what I sent jerk guy if you like.

      • Yeah, I was thinking of just saying it like it is, but very cool, not dramatic, just so he knows and maybe feels the need to explain.
        We’ll see though, maybe he won’t :).

        Yes, I’m pretty curious, so feel free to send me! And props to you or having the guts to do it!

  3. I’m glad you did this, compiled the story together. Whenever anyone breaks your trust, even if they are practically a stranger, it has a deep effect on our perspective of the world (and never for the good). I’m sorry this has happened, and that it had happened before. But it is not something for you to feel guilty over. Be happy instead that you still hold out hope for humanity. That is a valuable trait.

    • I’m actually happy too, it feels good to just tell it as it is now.
      I above all felt guilty because I promised myself to take no one home with me anymore.
      And then did.
      But luckily we did nothing more than kissing, so the guilt has gone away by now :).
      Plus: the upside is that I have written some, in my opinion quite good, stuf about it! 😉

      • You certainly have! Some of our worst moments give us the best inspiration. It’s a world conspiracy, I swear.

  4. I have no idea how, but I hope you can let him fall away behind you. Ignoring and forgetting him is the best revenge possible, otherwise he’s jut living rent free in your head.

    And here’s tho the one who earns their way into the trust of your wings.

    • I’m probably going to message him and say that I didn’t like that dick move.
      And then, hopefully move on.

      I do hope to find someone like that one day! Or be found, even better 😉

  1. The Final Episode | No Blog Intended
  2. A Matter of Pride | No Blog Intended
  3. The Punishment | No Blog Intended

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