Variations on the Same Theme

It was somewhere between four and half past four during the night. There was no one in the streets, and it was raining softly, turning this into a sad kind of darkness. I was walking home, slowing down with every step.
I absolutely hate rain, but something in me was very satisfied with this decor.

I continued my existential crisis at the kitchen table, eating biscuits and staring at the sink until I realised that if I didn’t move immediately, I would become too tired to even brush my teeth. Somewhere around five I finally laid down and noticed how the sun was rising already. It was noticeable lighter than it should be when you go to sleep.

However much I dislike the situation I’m in, my dramatic soul fully enjoyed these conditions. The only thing missing was a good soundtrack to this all – but next to that, all was perfect.

The crisis is still there though. I’ve recently found out that I’m still stuck in the same old pattern, the pattern I wanted to escape by going away from Belgium. Maybe it’s not connected to Belgium at all, but to me. I should have realised that before, shouldn’t I… This is the thing: I’ve had a few nice dates with a guy, and all of sudden, he’s disappeared. Well, that is, he will respond if I ask him something by text, but it seems he’s not keen on more contact anymore.

Well, that’s not a big deal, I know that. And no, my heart is not broken, I’m not in tears, I didn’t fell in love or something like that. The point is just that it pisses me off for real, because I don’t see the reasoning behind it. Why would you first be nice to someone and then just stop talking to that person? Often there is some kind of explanation, but because of bad communication skills, you never get to hear it. Not until you put them in a dark room and put a lamp in their face.

Just kidding, of course. (Though, coming to think of it, that might just work…)

I used to think that thinking rationally would help me understand things, but I didn’t realise that guys aren’t necessarily the most rational species you can find. It’s a lie that women aren’t rational – so far, my experience tells me that it’s more the opposite. I’m never the one who suddenly stops talking. A lot of my friends are just as confused about the behaviour of the Male Species as I am.

Don’t get me wrong though – guy friends are awesome, and often way more laid back than girls often are. I like having guy friends and everything. That’s never really the problem. It’s only when there’s this extra factor involved, let’s call it ‘attraction’, that troubles begin. Or silence. More often just silence, after a while.

For those wondering, I’m pretty sure this guy is not too shy, is very well aware of what he’s doing, and I have tried a few times to stay in touch. As I see it, there’s nothing more to do. I’m not going to beg for attention, that’s for sure. After all this problem boils down to the fact that it was all very sweet and then, out of the blue as it seems, it’s dead. It annoys me.

Also, another guy tried to kiss me, only for me to discover afterwards that he has a girlfriend. That’s not a nice thing to do.

If I’d write a book about my story with the Male Species, I’d call it ‘Variations on the Same Theme’. It would be a boring book – different faces, different circumstances, different time, but almost always this end of sudden silence.

As for the soundtrack that would have fitted that night, I think Arvo Pรคrt will do.

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  1. What an eejit he must surley be to let you slip away. Head up and held high, he was not the one for you this time, but there will be someone. Until such times, our love will see you through x

    • Because of the strange ways of the universe, he did text me today… But hey, it was worth writing this post, just because it did me well ๐Ÿ™‚ And we’ll see what happens! I’m not letting this pattern get to me again.

  2. Love is a cruel beast!

  3. NotAPunkRocker

     /  March 31, 2015

    Yeah, what Juls said (above) ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    • ๐Ÿ™‚ You guys always know what kind words I need! But he actually texted today suddenly, so hey, who knows what is going to happen now!

  4. Do not feed his ego, A! He clearly craves it if he is sending mixed messages! I am sorry you feel down because of this ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  5. This sounds so frustrating, even if you are not in love with him. He is silent, and then breaks his silence by texting you out of the blue? If he keeps sending you mixed messages, do not be afraid to speak your mind…as men respond to briefness (and kindness) .but that is only to be used when you are fed up with the silent treatment/ mixed messages/ man species behaviour. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ awwh good luck for now.

    • Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just tell him he’s acting weird. If I have the guts at some point!
      But yes, it’s very frustrating… Mainly because I really cannot understand it. But hey, we’ll see what happens I suppose :/

  6. Sounds like a boy, not a man.
    Eh. His loss.
    Here’s to the man who treats you right, and is heading your way!

  7. In that case, A – just know it was SO HIS loss!

  8. Darling, u ok? Don’t leave us hanging! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Oh Edita, how sweet of you! But no worries, I’m okay! I’ll go write an update now, so you guys now what’s going on more or less ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Bwahahahahaha I like the dark room interrogation approach

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