But there was good stuff too

Things never really go like you expect them to go. And yet it’s hard to tell yourself this when you don’t know what is about to come. As I told you, I was really scared of staying in Belgium this semester, because most of my friends would be gone, and I was afraid of having no one around to talk to, no one to go have a drink with, no one to just have around. In my mind I made up the worst scenarios, of course.

But things never really go as you expect them to go. In the end, it turned out to be above all a semester full of work, so much work, but not so much loneliness at all.
We were actually with five people of my year left in Belgium, of which four girls. Since we were kind of pushed into spending all this time together, we actually became good friends. In the past two years we could always have a chat, but now there was no chance of forming a group and sticking to it. So suddenly we got to know each other a lot better, and that was great. We went to dinner together sometimes, went to the movies, we made the best of our little group.
With one of them I went for a drink every now and then.  She’s the kind of person you can talk and talk with, and you know she will never tell anyone what you told her. Those evenings we spent in cafes were so much fun. And perhaps the best thing is that normally, we will go to Russia together next year. Having had this semester together made our friendship grow, so going to Russia next year is something to look forward to even more now!
So being part of this little group suddenly gave the opportunity of getting to know the other better, and it turned out very well.

Next to that I ended up renting a room which I very much liked (and like, still). Not only because of the location, but also because of the people living there as well. I got along very well with the girl living in the room under mine. She would sometimes just knock on my door to chat, or we would go eat in the kitchen together. I had two boy sliving next to me, both very kind boys, but one of them in particular became a good friend. I got the habit of knocking on his door every evening (if he was there, of course), so we could talk a little, or watch something on YouTube, and that would clear my mind so I could go to sleep without thinking of my assignments or how to translate a certain phrase, or when to translate part 10 – 20 of a book.

It’s incredibly nice to have people around so close, with who you can always go have a chat, or who will accompany you if you’re going to eat in the kitchen (there’s a common kitchen for all of us). Having all these people around made these months so much better. Of course there were still some other friends and my brother around, but these people were unexpected, and much closer since I had class with them or lived in the same house as them.

This was not the hell I expected it to be, thank god. It still sucks that I had to stay, I missed my friends, and we had so much work to do, but in the end I’ve made some great memories this semester as well. There was a dark side, but also a big bright side that I enjoyed a whole lot. This might just be a good reminder that wherever I go, I’m likely to meet new friends, and that things aren’t always as terrifying as they may seem. Huzzah 🙂

Let me out

Every time I enter classroom, I feel a bit locked up. Even though it might be warm there, and my friends are there, and I chose for this – I want to get out. I’m not sure anymore. I used to think I had chosen the exact right studies, and my life is changing for the better. But now I start to doubt. What’s the point of all these classes? What will they do for me in the end?
And it’s not even the boring, exhausting ones that make me want to run away fast. I used to love languages, I used to love Russian and Polish. I just don’t feel that way anymore now. Everything is obligatory, I don’t do it for fun anymore. I do it because I have to.

And everytime I enter a classroom, I feel like they are closing the doors behind me and I have to stay for the following boring two hours. There are windows everywhere, and I can see people outisde, and I want to go where they are going.

Of course I’ll keep on going. I just hope to find that love for this studies again. I just hope there will be more fun things instead of just doing all this obligatory stuff. Why is life only about your duties?

I just want to run around and have fun.