What I think of during exams #2

I want to sleep. Oh, how I want to sleep.

If I wear that shirt for my exam, will I still be able to wear it the next day?

Coconut yoghurt is really good.

I just want to go to a cafe and have a drink with friends.

I actually know this answer!

What if there are no buses in Poland I can take?

It’s hot in here, jeeze.

I like wearing earrings.

Oh how I miss him! And her! And them!

Will my pasta sauce still be good tonight?


I never even pretended to be good at concentration, really. This could very well have been my stream of consciousness at some point, though mostly it includes way more thoughts that are not to the point. I’ve had three exams now, and I think I passed them all so far. Though today’s one was tough, but even if I haven’t passed, I think I still did well enough to ‘tolerate’ the grade, in which case I wouldn’t have to retake it. But I still hope I passed it all.

It’s true though that I really want to sleep. I have very little time in between my exams, most of them are at 9 in the morning, and I am better at studying in the evening. Plus the fact that I have trouble falling asleep quite often. So it comes as no surprise that I’m slowly turning into a zombie. But two more exams to go and then it’s over, thank god, and I will sleep again!

At least, if the Poland adventure that will happen in less than a month won’t cause more sleepless nights.

After having done an exam, I always feel like I deserve a little time off. And now I’ve got this secret addiction that is somewhat wrong (what’s the term for that again?) : Hotter than my daughter. It’s this very typical British tv program in which they give an often overly displaying mother and overly covered/sloppy daughter a makeover. If you wonder why on earth you’d watch it, well: 1. the accents! The accents! Really!  2. Cringing at the mothers who barely wear clothes, so you can be extra happy with your own mum. 3. Seeing the confidenceless daughter and be happy with your own sense of style. 4. You can be braindead while watching it. And that’s good.

Of course they alway find a deeper reason for the mothers to dress too young and for the daughters to dress so carelessly. And in the end, they mostly mess up. Really, they turn them into something they want to be either… Often it’s a little better, but not good. ‘Inspiring’ at most. Isn’t it sad that they are supposed to make them prettier and they end up not as pretty as they could be? Sometimes though, you can clearly see improvement. Some of them seem to realise how pretty they can actually look. And that is good, because I fully believe in the idea that if you take a little care of your looks, it can do wonders for your confidence. At times you can see them kind of realise that they should be more confident and not hide away. Awww!

But mostly I watch it to be braindead for a little while. And it makes me realise that my wardrobe is really okay, and my mother is a very classy lady. We’d never get into that program. How good is that!

What do you do when you need to take a break?

On exams

I’m in the middle of my exams and right now there’s a discussion going in my sweet little country on this very topic. There are people who want to get rid of exams in high school.They say it is better if there is a constant evaluation throughout the year.

It certainly makes for an interesting discussion. Currently I’m studying for my university exams, which are different from the high school ones, of course. We get a few days (or at least one…) to study for every final. In the first years of high school, we had three exam periods. You could have either one or two subjects each day. The last two years we only had two exam periods. You could still have one or two subjects on one day. Let me tell you though that two on one day is pretty hard.

Fast forward to university: the amounts are huge, the stakes are higher. Failing an exam means you have to retake during the summer. The pressure is on, while in high school, you were so very likely to succeed.

I do think that these kind of exams need practice. If you’ve never had exams in high school, it will be a big shock to suddenly have to get through such a giant amount of knowledge. Suddenly you have to sit in front of a professor and answer questions and it’s goddamn important. This needs some habituation, some practice in order to build up the stamina for it. Exams are tiring and demand a lot of you. But I’ve been working on this stamina since I was 12. If you take that away from people, they are probably more likely to fail in college. At least, that is what I think.

Now, speaking of exams, I’ve got almost only oral exams nowadays. That’s a challenge, because there is a big difference in failing on paper or failing in front of a professor. But on the other hand I like to dress up for it. Suddenly you see guys in suits walking on the streets. That is nice! I too dress differently, because I see it as an important thing to look better than usually. Somewhat more chique. I wear heels and necklaces and try to pick clothes that you don’t wear everyday just like that.

I would not take the risk!

I would not take the risk!

There is a girl in my class though who is a very good student, but she comes to oral exams in shorts. Of course, since we are with about 20 people in our class, the teachers know us quite well. Still I don’t quite understand how she could dress so… regular and summer-like. It was a very warm day, yes, but to come to an exam in shorts? Dressing up in a chique way is also a way to show respect I believe. And a way to show you know how to dress according to the situation. My dad once told me that on an important meeting at work, the men in suits would get a handshake, while they may have been less important than some others.

The way you dress can make people look differently at you. In some way we all respect men in suits just a little more than a guy in a regular sweater. This impression you make can be important. If you go to an interview, you want to make sure that you look like someone who is capable of doing the job. Well, I guess it’s quite the same when doing exams. I want to show that I am aware of the importance of the exam, as well as the fact that I’m very capable of doing it well.

This is sometimes a lie.

But you get the point. When I look decently, the professor might just have a subconscious respect for me and my knowledge and it might just show a little in my grades…

What do you think, should exams be banned in high school? And is picking the right clothes important for exams, interviews and so on?

Illusions

I create illusions. That is what I do, every day. That’s what we all do. Isn’t life meant to look better than it is all the time? Aren’t we surrounded by illusions?

Yes, we are. But that is okay. Because it does in fact make the world look better than it is. And that’s what I try to do with myself as well. Everyway when I wake up, I look in the mirror, try to see what needs to be fixed and start putting on makeup.
(Okay, in reality, I stumble out of bed, hit the alarm clock, try to find food, slowly wake up, and then look in the mirror.)
Makeup is a lie, but a good one. Everyone knows the chances are high you use it, but as long as you do it well, they won’t really notice and they’ll forgive you. I don’t really understand why guys are so opposed to makeup, but I believe they just mean they don’t like obvious makeup. Don’t tell me that they always notice foundation, mascara and eyeliner.

Then I put on clothes and go on creating an image of a person that resembles me a lot, but isn’t entirely me. Because with all the ‘fixing’ I create a sort of alter ego. It’s not me, but a girl more perfect than me, less human than me. I want people to see me as a girl who never has a bad hair day, who never wears the wrong clothes and always knows how to behave. They probably know that’s not true, but as long as they don’t have any prove against you, there might still be a chance they believe it…

It’s just an innocent thing, putting on clothes and makeup, it’s routine. But next to that it’s the creation of a world in which a better version of me lives, and I want the people around me to join that illusion. I’ve noticed that I’d like everyone to pretend they’re less human than we all are. Which is a weird and bad thing. But I want us all to be above human things. Then I go like ‘I never need to go to the toilet’, ‘I don’t need to shave, my legs are naturally hairless’, ‘I don’t need food’ and so on. It’s like I can’t really accept the fact that that is normal. And sometimes I don’t even accept it from other people. That’s the worst part. Sometimes I forgive them more than I could forgive myself because I know it’s an illusion I try to show, and I know that they’re normal and therefore will forgive me for being as normal.

I just don’t want people to discover I’m as human as they come. I try to keep up the appearance of a normal girl that’s still somewhat above normal humans. Above as in, not having the same needs.

It sounds way more ridiculous now I’ve written it down.

Life Choice # 8: Trousers or Skirts?

Now this is important. This is something I’ve been struggling with. What you wear, defines you, so you have to be sure you wear the right thing. That’s most obvious.
No, really, it’s not that dramatic, but it’s an interesting question. For years and years I wore barely any skirt or dress, I was all jeans, because it was so easy. I had to spend almost an hour on a bike every day, through rain and snow and sun, and in that case jeans are just the most comfortable solution. There was even a year I didn’t wear a skirt for about seven months. For a girly girl, that’s not so typical, is it…? I mean, I’m not all pink and flowers, but I’m certainly not a skater girl or a sporty one. I have never been that way either. You’d expect me to wear heels and skirts.
But I like comfortable clothes, so I wore trousers. I still like trousers. There are so many cool ones in the world… Like, everywhere you look!

I have similar ones, and seriously, I was the first one to wear these. Call me hipster, but it's true. Source.

I have similar ones, and seriously, I was the first one to wear these. Call me hipster, but it’s true.
Source.

I know I recently ranted against them, but actually that was above all because of one awesome and cool pair that is just not quite long enough for my endless legs (ahem). I still like my skinny jeans and the leggings-with-zippers-so-trousers, the inevitable black trousers, and the fake leather ones though they aren’t quite long…

But I’ve also come to love skirts and dresses a whole lot. I mean, I’ve always liked them, but barely wore them. Now the tide is turning. I spend less time on a bike. At least, it’s divided into more parts, so I don’t spend much time at once outside. I can be sure I won’t freeze to death – always important to know!
And now I’m a big, big fan of skirts and dresses. It’s hard to find good ones as well. Try being as tall as I am. Finding a skirt that’s long enough is like finding a treasure really…! I hope people realise I’m not voluntarily slut like dressed. There isn’t really a choice…

One thing that makes me love skirts so much, are nylon stockings. There are many cool trousers, but there are at least as much cool nylon stockings! Sometimes I just want to buy more skirts in order to wear those awesome nylon stockings. I kid you not. Recently a friend of mine came over wearing the most awesome stockings, and I kept telling her they were so cool, until she granted me permission to buy them as well. Yay! Thank you, friend. You rock. (And so do the nylons, which by now have been bought by me as well of course).

These are the nylons I'm talking of. Of course we don't wear them like this... But they fit with many different styles. Source.

These are the nylons I’m talking of. Of course we don’t wear them like this… But they fit with many different styles.
Source.

So now I’m balancing on the edge of trousers and skirts.
But what do you prefer? And why? Which ones do you consider the most comfortable for everyday use? And for the men: do you like kilts? Please be honest ;).

How to hate pants

There was a certain year in my life I suddenly realised that it had been eight months since I last wore a skirt. I’ve always been the girl you imagine in heels rather than sneakers, the girl who cares about clothes, the vain one, but a skirt? Barely. That had a lot to do with my fear of being cold and with the fact that I had to drive my bike to school every day. Believe me when I say you prefer pants when driving a bike.
Though that’s not longer true… Alas! Today, I’m a tall and slender girl, 1m80, size small (waist at least), whatever size that is in Amerika. The point is that clothes aren’t made for people who are tall and slender. Somehow you’re supposed to be fat when you’re tall, and skinny when you’re small. The point is that this is not always true, and that’s why I end up not buying a lot of clothes because when the size is right, they are too short. Especially now the fashion’s all ‘short and wide’ my life is ruined. ‘Short’ means extremely short for me, and sorry, but I don’t want the entire world to see my belly button. Besides, that’s freak ass cold!

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Unfortunately the same thing happens to pants. One golden rule if you buy pants: make sure they feel tight at the waist when you buy them! They always expand. I hate it when they do, because I don’t like wearing belts. But when you try to find pants that seem to fit, they are always, always too short. Try to ride a bike without looking fucking ridiculous because your pants disobey gravity and end up exposing your ankles…. It’s very well possible that no one gives a shit, but I can feel it and it pisses me off a whole lot.

‘If pants are no longer good’, you’d say, ‘then wear skirts.’ But guess what… All skirts are short as well! And as ever, ‘short’ means ridiculously short for me. Sometimes people tell me I look like a model (which isn’t true, I think) and they’re jealous of me. Well, they should try to find decent clothes with my height.

Voluntarily exposed ankles. Wtf.

Okay, this is all a bit dramatic.  Being tall has its advantages, but also some disadvantages, one of which is the impossibility to find well fitting clothes. At this moment I’m wearing total badass leatherlook pants, but they are too short when I’m on my bike and this pisses me off so goddamn much that I could have knocked over anyone who would have dared to say something to me. Of course I’m opposed to violence and only hit my chair, to which I almost apologised again.
My point is that I start to hate pants, and skirts, and clothes in general, for not being fit for my height. So dear shops and designers and whatever, just start making clothes for all those people who are tall and slender because they exist for god’s sake, they are alive and want good jeans!!

PS: One tip – don’t look for ‘naked ankles forbidden’ on the Internet. I tried to find an image about how it used to be forbidden to show your ankles. That’s not what you find though. Not at all…

The Edita Edition

Sometimes, when sitting in a bus or when working, you see someone passing by with a face that reminds you of someone else. Like, really hard. You wonder if they’re family or something. Perhaps some people just share some facial characteristics. Possibly. Other times, you talk to someone and find out that they are very similar to you – but in another way. You discover that you both like the same stuff. When this happens, I’m always a bit stunned. Isn’t it weird how some people seem to have so much in common with you – though they live somewhere else?

For me, one of those people is Edita. Of course it’s a bit swanky to compare yourself to such a beautiful and nice girl :). But still, Edita and I have quite a lot in common. She’s a Lithuanian beauty who currently lives in London. (Obviously, that’s not what we’ve got in common!) Next to that, I found out she’s fluent in Russian and Polish – the languages I’m learning right now… Coincidence? I think not. She might look innocent and sweet, but don’t be fooled: she’s one of the people who understands my Kalashnikov jokes. And that is a bonus for sure. People compare her to a black widow. Don’t be fooled by her looks…

Because her looks can easily fool you. She hasn’t got one face, but much like a diamond (cornycornycorny) she’s got a lot of facets. One day she’ll be sporty, the next day she’ll be incredibly elegant. Whenever she post pictures of herself she surprises me – how many more sides of yourself can you reveal, Edita? Is there no limit to your ‘renewal’? It’s incredible.

This post is a sort of prize, in fact, but I actually wanted to this anyway. There are many bloggers who deserve a post about them, but not many of them are like Edita. Not many people combine beauty and brains and humour like that. Pret A Reporter isn’t just a fashion blog and Edita is no fashion victim. If that was true, I wouldn’t be writing a post about her.

Fashion can be fun, but just like me (time for some self-confidence, right? 😉 ) she doesn’t just follow the fashion rules. No, Edita rules fashion. In a very amusing way. With every post, she creates a new world, with its very own light, clothes and everything. Props to the photographer as well!

I’d love to go to London and have a chat with the bloggers who live there – and she’s on my list as well!

PS: sorry for me being so corny. I always become corny when talking about her – perhaps because we’re more or less friends…?

PPs: all pictures are stolen from her site, and are her ownership!!

The Age of Freedom

I’m eighteen. That’s young. And yet, by now I’m old enough to know certain things. Like: I’m quite a pussy. People mostly don’t bite (they claw). If I say I will never do something, I will eventually do it or at least have the intention to do it.

There are some other things I learnt as well. With the years passing by, I started to realize that I’m not a ‘cool’ person. When you’re fourteen, you just want to fit in, you want to be like the cool ones, you will dress and behave the way people you admire do. But now I know I’m not like the popular girls, I’ve never been like them, will never be like them, and actually, I don’t even want to be like them. We are different. That’s fine. That’s even better than fitting in! Observing the cool people of my school has led to the conclusion that being cool means: texting all the time, having nothing to tell really, having no special interest in things like history, being not very open-minded and so on. Okay, maybe that’s quite a ‘black’ image of the cool guys. I mean that coolness has more to do with superficial stuff. I want to be more.

I’m that girl who loves classical music and post punk and metal and rock. I’m that girl who loves ballet and dancing in disco’s, who doesn’t like meat but likes look-a-like leather, the one who enjoys reading Lolita as much as reading Glamour. I’m also that girl who dresses differently from anyone else in my former high school. I wasn’t scared of wearing a T-shirt with a cut-away back or fishnet stockings.

*picture removed*

Now that is what makes me different. I’m open minded towards people. If you’re covered in tattoos, I’ll be interested in what they stand for. If you have blue hair, I’ll like you because you are different. There’s nothing wrong with being average, but it starts being wrong when you are average because you don’t dare to wear what you like. One day, when I wore my fishnet stockings, a classmate said she liked it, but she wouldn’t dare to wear it herself. That is sad. You shouldn’t be scared that easily. I’m quite sure I was judged by many people for wearing those stockings, but why should I care? It’s not my problem if they don’t like it. I like it and that will do for me.

 

*picture also removed*

(Look at my hair!)

This is the age of freedom – whatever you wear, you’ll be forgiven, because you’re still young. Why not take the chance to just wear what you want?

By now, I’ve learned which kind of clothes fits me, which don’t, and so on. Getting to this point, I no longer need to feel uncomfortable about what I wear. I know what I like, I know what likes me, so I do not longer care about other people’s opinion. What the hell, I just wear what I want to wear. It’s my piece of freedom.

 

*and again!*

This earring is my newest love. I know there aren’t too many people who like it, but I definitely do. Earrings in general are tempting for me. This one in particular because it is so different from the others. I should thank my parents too in this story. They are open-minded too. My mother even helped me finding fishnet stockings. How many mothers would do that?

 

*this picture too has passed*

And those pants are equally as great! When taking this kind of pictures, you are likely to have ten fails for every good pic. I had no photographer around. The stones were bloody hot. The sun shone merciless. But I had a great time, and the result is some great pictures.
I tried to capture the freedom of my age. Enjoy these pics while I’ll be celebrating my freedom abroad for a few days!

 

*and finally, the last one, removed like all the others*

(Celebrate freedom: sit down and don’t do a fuck.)

*All these pictures are mine, all rights reserved, copyright, blahblahblah. They’ll be taken offline again. My greatest nightmare is that someone steals my pics or discovers my identity. So watch but don’t touch.*

*As you might see, I’ve removed all the pictures. Sorry.*

The Horror

The horror. The extreme horror.
I’ve been to one of the cities with an university yesterday, mainly to gather information. (Information. Information. We want information.) You know, you have to decide what studies you’ll do, and where you’ll do them. But after having spent half an hour in the building where I would end up having classes, I decided that that particular city will not be my home. It was such an ugly building, it looked worn out and some of the walls were grey. Never make your walls look like concrete, okay? It didn’t feel comfortable. And the chairs. Oh, the chairs. That were no chairs. That were pieces of wood, straight wood, put behing your back.

But that is another sort of horror. I’ve become smarter now, as we say here, I now know better what to do, where to do it.
The real horror started when we went to the heart of the city and entered some shops.
We shouldn’t have done that.
Why, oh, why are beautiful, simple yet not ordinary clothes so damn impossible to find? You know, when you don’t feel comfortable in the clothes you’re wearing, it ruins your day. You have to wear something that you really want to wear, in which you feel good. But that becomes a problem when your style changes faster than Belgian weather and all shops have the same damn ugly, UGLY clothes. And ugly, UGLY shoes. Or, at least, shoes that don’t fit my profile and image. Because that is very possible.

The world is a hard place. Tell me about it. Not only there are no longer good clothes, but I also forced you to read this post…