Once upon a time in a coffee bar

Once upon a time, when I still lived in Poland, I was working in a very atmospheric little coffee bar close to my home. The coffee was very good and very cheap as well, in comparison to my country and other cities. Of course I didn’t live in Warsaw. There were bikes hanging at the wall, even better, bikes cut in half. The menu was taped on vinyl plates. It was a great and quiet place, perfect for work.

So I sat there, trying to do something useful though I couldn’t focus – nothing new. Then I noticed that the music was getting quite 80s. There is some special beat about this music, which makes it easy for me to put songs into categories. It’s such a “danceable” beat, you know. Take any 80s song and you’ll know what I mean.

So they put on this cd with the unmistakable 80s beat, and modern as I am, I shazamed it. (For those who are like I once was: shazam is an application that recognises music. Sometimes. Anything but classical in my experience.) It turned out to be SoKo.

SoKo? I’ll kill her SoKo?

Exactly. Apparently she has this 80s inspired cd now, which was just perfect to put on when I was packing all my things on the rainy last day in Poland. The catchiest (apparently this is not a word, but I’m keeping it anyway) songs are Who wears the pants? , My Precious and Temporary Mood Swings. Then I stumbled upon the white raven, as we say here. One of the songs on the cd wasn’t like the others. It was a quiet, sad break up song. I played it almost on repeat.

From then on, I have been stumbling on more songs of her, which without exception were played almost on repeat. I don’t know what it is, but something about those songs catches my eye, or rather, my ear, and makes me addicted. After Keaton’s song, as described above, there was Don’t you touch me, which has this beautiful sad anger about it. It beautifully builds up to a climax. Great song when you are struggling with liking someone who doesn’t like you back.

On a quiet, not peaceful evening before the exam I still had to take here, I put on I’ve been alone too long, and immediately had a new target to play on repeat. It fitted the situation a bit. I was almost all alone in the city of my university, where I dramatically didn’t want to be. As soon as I arrived in that city, I felt everything overwhelming me. Everything I had been through there flushed over me and fucked my mind up. I was happy to stay over at my brother’s place there, so I wouldn’t be confronted with more memories. While revising, I put the song on repeat. It has this calmness that I need when I revise.

The exam went well, and I spent a great day there, with friends, beer and sun. I crawled out of the wave of memories, luckily.

I’m still not free, because I have to finish my bachelorpaper. Since I write on a computer, modern as I am, I play music all the time. It’s extremely boring when you work without music, isn’t it? So I clicked on yet another SoKo song, Why do you treat me like you do? , which is a cover. It has a sort of country thing to it, although it’s not country. Lovely to sing along, I can tell you that. Catchy, but in a very different way than the 80s style songs. But catchy still!

Right now, my latest crush is Treat your woman right, which is an equally sad song about loving someone who doesn’t like you back. (Okay, I may have issues, what about it?) Above all the haunting humming makes this so very touching for me. It’s hard to explain what it is, but it has this feeling to it, this atmospheric sad feeling. I try not to kill it by playing it too much, but that’s hard. I could hear it all day. And I am hearing it all day. I can’t stop it.

This is a serious music crush, as you can see. I like the way this music is intertwined with my life though. It’s not important whether I relate to the lyrics or not, although I do for a part of course, because the music in itself is enough to make its way into my head and heart. Next to that it reminds me of the time spent in the coffee bar, of the rainy day I spent packing, the strange evening spent in the city of my university, and everything that came after. Life is unexplainable and unpredictable. And life needs a soundtrack. For the moment, mine is SoKo.

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Music on Monday : Melancholy

There’s your cell, and that’s you sitting in its corner, because corners feel safer. It’s quite cold, dark and empty in there. But the outside world is burning hot.
Once, once you had everything: nice people around you, fancy dresses and beautiful jewels. Life was good. But that changed and now you’re left with nothing, heading straight for the end. This is a lonely place, the dungeon where they locked you up. It’s a sad and tragic thing. A sad and tragic life…

This is a video on Katherine Howard’s days before she was executed. The fragments are taken from the TV series The Tudors, which was really, really good, and its soundtrack is stunning. I might be posting more of the music used there, because it is so amazingly great. There’s a great sadness in this music that’s subtle and beautiful at the same time.
But for now this will do as tomorrow, my execution will take place… In the form of an exam. I’m scared. Actually I really am… I don’t want to fail again. I want to feel smart!

So please, burn a candle for me or something. Who knows, it might just work…!

Current condition: Studying

It’s summer, the sun is shining, it’s that kind of perfect weather… And I’m inside, studying to retake an exam. But I don’t really mind, as I don’t have the money to do all the fun stuff anyways. My life is so tragic.
Either way, here’s a sort of closer look, analysing of my current condition: studying.

Clothes: yoga pants and loose T-shirt with owl print.

However important elegance is to me, it doesn’t apply to all situations, okay? It’s bloody hot in my room, and I need the freedom to change my position every five to ten seconds. Plus: my inner dancer is very happy with these yoga pants. I can get up and throw my leg in the air whenever I want. Which is something I frequently do. (It sounds as if I’ve got a prosthesis. I mean to say I do a grand battement.)
The owl print is really cool, by the way. It’s more of a drawing made of stripes. Maybe I make it sound worse with every word I add, but seriously, it’s one of my favourite T-shirts. And it’s loose. Literally cool.

Makeup & Hair: Not really, and a mess.

Self conscious as I am, I do put on makeup when I leave the house, even if it’s just to buy bread or something. It makes passing by a mirror somewhat easier to deal with as well. But I got to the point where I sincerely long to dressing up and going all the way with makeup… Not just mascara, but eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick, everything I can find here (which isn’t that much after all). The only makeup thing I have done now, is nail polish. I don’t think I’ve ever had such well done toe and finger nail polish. Seriously.

My feet. With blue nail polish.

My feet. With blue nail polish.

The hair, well, that’s more of a bun, if you want to call it like that. In reality it’s more like hair surrounded by a rubber band (the ones you use for hair, not like car tires).

Physical condition: hypochondriac.

Insomnia has been kicking in, I’m hungry all the time, headaches, chest ache for the moment, and so on. I’m always convinced I’ve got some terrible illness, but that’s probably not true. I mean, everyone has aches every now and then. I just wish I could sleep well. That would be so great.

Mental condition: happy as ever.

Hehe. I’m not really the shiny happy person who’s always optimistic. Things have been better, things have been worse. My self-esteem has decided to go on a holiday, but hey, he deserves it. He’s had a hard time after all. I hope he sends a post card.

Concentration: what’s that? Some kind of illness? It’s certainly not something I’ve got.

Desk condition: pretty crowded!

I’ve got like four piles of papers in the running, a book, Word documents, books I use to procrastinate, pens, pencils, movies I still have to watch, a Spanish fan (the ones you have in your hand. the automatic one has a place on the floor) and a stuffed pig. I’m not sure what to do with that pig. He’s kinda cute, and I got it once at a dance performance. Good memories. I’ll just let him be another witness of my struggle.

Knowledge condition: however much I’m trying to get all facts straight and in my head, I’m sure he’ll ask something I don’t know. Plus: it’s history I have to retake. Only the Polish, but all history is so tied together. Hurray hurray. I wish I had the feeling I know stuff, but I still feel like I don’t know anything at all. Like ‘Poland? It’s a country, right? Somewhere, I don’t know, south from America?’.

Only five more days to go.

Five’s not much.

Dear lord.