Worry not…

… I haven’t decided to go living under a rock! However appealing that may be sometimes, I still prefer a duvet. My absence here is actually not because I’ve been hiding from life, but because I’ve been living very much. The past week I went on a skiing holiday, which was so awesome. We were part of a group, though we didn’t know a lot of people of this very group. But it’s entertaining to have all these new and kind people around you. It gives some variety, you know. Next to that, the snow was brilliant. Amazing. Perfect! I can’t remember ever having had suchgood conditions. Temperatures slightly below zero, ‘fresh’ snow, sunlight – it was almost too good to be true.

Well, actually, some people had bad luck, but overall I think for me this holiday was very, very good. It made all my worries about going to Poland and about my grades disappear like snow in the sun, as we say it here. (See what I did there?) As soon as I got home, it started again though.

snow

SNOOOOW source

 

On Monday I traveled to Poland, on my own. I’ve never traveled alone before. And it wasn’t just taking a plane, it was also taking a taxi and a train, with two heavy cases, and all in Polish. Huzzah! But with the help of the very kind and helpful Polish man, and people in general, all went well. Also, on the plane I had a very kind neighbour girl. We talked in Polish for the full two hours. She was so very kind, a lot of good karma must come her way!

So all went well, and now I’m not scared of anything anymore. (In theory, at least. But still. I feel a little badass.)

I got my grades on that very same Monday, but needless to say I thought all the travel stress was enough for one day. The next day though I couldn’t escape anymore. There are some reasons as to why I couldn’t postpone anymore, and there are some reasons why a failed class would be a giant problem. You see, I don’t have a room in the city of my university anymore, because I rented one of another girl who was gone for the semester. So technically the room was always hers. But when you fail a class, you have to retake the exam, so you have to be in the city of the university.
Which only adds to the joy of looking at yout grades, am I right?

But no stress was need, ’cause I passed them all! And some with flying colours. Especially my languages, which are very important to me, were very good. Oh the happiness, the relief! My friend and now flatmate and I opened a bottle of ‘something’ to celebrate. She got the bottle from another friend and didn’t know what it was. It turned out to be a sort of sweet bubbly wine thing. Lemonade with alcohol basically. But hey, it was good to celebrate!

So that’s what I have been doing for the last week(s). Also, I started a new blog, in my own native language this time, to keep my family and friends updated on what’s going on in my life. (For privacy reasons I’m not sharing the link.) This means though that all my wild adventures (that are hopefully yet to come!) will be posted there and not here. You will get to hear some things about Poland, but mainly this blog is going to be the same as it was. I don’t know if that’s good or bad news to you, but hey, I hope you’re at least happy that I’m still gonna be here 😉

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What I think of during exams #2

I want to sleep. Oh, how I want to sleep.

If I wear that shirt for my exam, will I still be able to wear it the next day?

Coconut yoghurt is really good.

I just want to go to a cafe and have a drink with friends.

I actually know this answer!

What if there are no buses in Poland I can take?

It’s hot in here, jeeze.

I like wearing earrings.

Oh how I miss him! And her! And them!

Will my pasta sauce still be good tonight?


I never even pretended to be good at concentration, really. This could very well have been my stream of consciousness at some point, though mostly it includes way more thoughts that are not to the point. I’ve had three exams now, and I think I passed them all so far. Though today’s one was tough, but even if I haven’t passed, I think I still did well enough to ‘tolerate’ the grade, in which case I wouldn’t have to retake it. But I still hope I passed it all.

It’s true though that I really want to sleep. I have very little time in between my exams, most of them are at 9 in the morning, and I am better at studying in the evening. Plus the fact that I have trouble falling asleep quite often. So it comes as no surprise that I’m slowly turning into a zombie. But two more exams to go and then it’s over, thank god, and I will sleep again!

At least, if the Poland adventure that will happen in less than a month won’t cause more sleepless nights.

After having done an exam, I always feel like I deserve a little time off. And now I’ve got this secret addiction that is somewhat wrong (what’s the term for that again?) : Hotter than my daughter. It’s this very typical British tv program in which they give an often overly displaying mother and overly covered/sloppy daughter a makeover. If you wonder why on earth you’d watch it, well: 1. the accents! The accents! Really!  2. Cringing at the mothers who barely wear clothes, so you can be extra happy with your own mum. 3. Seeing the confidenceless daughter and be happy with your own sense of style. 4. You can be braindead while watching it. And that’s good.

Of course they alway find a deeper reason for the mothers to dress too young and for the daughters to dress so carelessly. And in the end, they mostly mess up. Really, they turn them into something they want to be either… Often it’s a little better, but not good. ‘Inspiring’ at most. Isn’t it sad that they are supposed to make them prettier and they end up not as pretty as they could be? Sometimes though, you can clearly see improvement. Some of them seem to realise how pretty they can actually look. And that is good, because I fully believe in the idea that if you take a little care of your looks, it can do wonders for your confidence. At times you can see them kind of realise that they should be more confident and not hide away. Awww!

But mostly I watch it to be braindead for a little while. And it makes me realise that my wardrobe is really okay, and my mother is a very classy lady. We’d never get into that program. How good is that!

What do you do when you need to take a break?

It’s beginning to look like Christmas only now…

I haven’t posted in quite a while here, but hey, I’m still alive and kicking. First of all, I would like to wish you all happy holidays, I hope you are enjoying it. I’ve been so absent because holidays here are actually days we use to study. I’ve got exams in January, so ever day I lock myself away and study… Which is hard for brains like mine. Concentration remains an issue, but hey, I’m not doing that bad at all! I think. We’ll see how the grades turn out.
A side effect of this, is that I’m OCD’ing real hard these days. Ever since I returned to university at the end of September I have been OCD’ing more than before. I figured that maybe it was caused by the lack of control I had over the situation with Russia. It completely exploded once I stayed home to study. I can check it the doors are closed ten times and still something in me isn’t convinced that yes, the door is closed. The same with shutting out the lights. I return almost every time just to see if I really did that. It’s quite annoying, but I try to stop it.

Further on we’ve got snow here – which was unexpected! To me, at least. I heard that it would snow here, but something in me didn’t believe it. The day before it wasn’t even so cold… But one morning I woke up and saw that everything was covered in snow, and I just stood there staring at it because I was so surprised. But you know, it looks good, and I don’t mind it at all. Also the cold doesn’t disturb me. I don’t go outside that often, because studying, but when I do, I tell myself that it still feels okay.
Which is actually just an attempt to train myself for Poland.

Well, there isn’t anything exciting these days, so I will leave you with this sign of life. I hope to write some intersting posts soon, but currently I’m lacking inspiration – this atmosphere doesn’t create the best ideas, believe me. I’ll leave the talking to you for now!

Do you like snow? Do you mind cold? And do you perhaps know how to stop yourself from OCD’ing?

On exams

I’m in the middle of my exams and right now there’s a discussion going in my sweet little country on this very topic. There are people who want to get rid of exams in high school.They say it is better if there is a constant evaluation throughout the year.

It certainly makes for an interesting discussion. Currently I’m studying for my university exams, which are different from the high school ones, of course. We get a few days (or at least one…) to study for every final. In the first years of high school, we had three exam periods. You could have either one or two subjects each day. The last two years we only had two exam periods. You could still have one or two subjects on one day. Let me tell you though that two on one day is pretty hard.

Fast forward to university: the amounts are huge, the stakes are higher. Failing an exam means you have to retake during the summer. The pressure is on, while in high school, you were so very likely to succeed.

I do think that these kind of exams need practice. If you’ve never had exams in high school, it will be a big shock to suddenly have to get through such a giant amount of knowledge. Suddenly you have to sit in front of a professor and answer questions and it’s goddamn important. This needs some habituation, some practice in order to build up the stamina for it. Exams are tiring and demand a lot of you. But I’ve been working on this stamina since I was 12. If you take that away from people, they are probably more likely to fail in college. At least, that is what I think.

Now, speaking of exams, I’ve got almost only oral exams nowadays. That’s a challenge, because there is a big difference in failing on paper or failing in front of a professor. But on the other hand I like to dress up for it. Suddenly you see guys in suits walking on the streets. That is nice! I too dress differently, because I see it as an important thing to look better than usually. Somewhat more chique. I wear heels and necklaces and try to pick clothes that you don’t wear everyday just like that.

I would not take the risk!

I would not take the risk!

There is a girl in my class though who is a very good student, but she comes to oral exams in shorts. Of course, since we are with about 20 people in our class, the teachers know us quite well. Still I don’t quite understand how she could dress so… regular and summer-like. It was a very warm day, yes, but to come to an exam in shorts? Dressing up in a chique way is also a way to show respect I believe. And a way to show you know how to dress according to the situation. My dad once told me that on an important meeting at work, the men in suits would get a handshake, while they may have been less important than some others.

The way you dress can make people look differently at you. In some way we all respect men in suits just a little more than a guy in a regular sweater. This impression you make can be important. If you go to an interview, you want to make sure that you look like someone who is capable of doing the job. Well, I guess it’s quite the same when doing exams. I want to show that I am aware of the importance of the exam, as well as the fact that I’m very capable of doing it well.

This is sometimes a lie.

But you get the point. When I look decently, the professor might just have a subconscious respect for me and my knowledge and it might just show a little in my grades…

What do you think, should exams be banned in high school? And is picking the right clothes important for exams, interviews and so on?

Why libraries are like swimming pools

My concentration span is ridiculous. Pathetic. Disastrous. My priorities are good, but not good enough – when I’ve got Internet, music becomes my priority, and nothing else. Or writing. Or checking 9gag. I know very well what to do in case I don’t want to work – which is often. I thought it was impossible to change that, until I made a radical decision:

I would go studying in the library.

Now, that was radical. Normally I like to eat and drink whenever I want, or I need music, or… No. I threw all excuses overboard and grew some balls. There I went, straight to the library, where it was bloody warm, but I sat near the window and put my books in front of me. Strangely enough, this actually worked. Or rather, I actually worked. By the time I left the library, I had seen quite a big part of what I still had to see that day. Without a break. I managed to keep on going for four hours straight, only looking up to see what other people were doing. Because, yeah, I still needed to know what was happening around me, you know. These things are important as well.

Then one day, I went to the library, fully prepared – not dressed all too warm because it’s really hot in there, but with a scarf and a big bottle of water. I sat down, put my books in front of me and suddenly felt something weird.

It felt like holiday. It smelt like swimming pools.

It took me a few minutes to figure out what this was. How can studying feel like being on a holiday? This wasn’t meant to be fun at all. So how could I smell swimming pools?

Is this a library?

Then I realized what it was. I don’t know if you, reader, have had the pleasure of going to hotels while on vacation? And if yes, did those hotels have swimming pools? Or did your camping place have one nearby? Because then you might know why I felt this weird way. You know, when you go to a hotel, there are many people you don’t know. In fact, you probably don’t know a single one of them (though sometimes you do – I’ve been there). But after a while, you recognise them and they start to feel so familiar. Even though you haven’t talked with them, it still feels as if they’re some kind of friends, or acquaintances. When it comes to the swimming pool though, you become enemies – everyone wants a good place there. Sometimes people put their towels on a sunlounger in the morning already, so their place is safe for the afternoon. You have to be in time to have a lounger there.

And that’s exactly how the library worked. I couldn’t study at my floor because there was too little space, so I sat in between people I didn’t know. After a while, after a day more precisely, they started feeling familiar. If you weren’t on time though, you might not have a seat where you normally sat.

Very swimming pool.

I like studying in a library. Because there are still people, because it makes you put on nice clothes, because there is barely anything else to pay attention to. Okay, I have to admit I saw every movement around me, and I mostly knew what the others were wearing, but next to that, I would really pay attention to my books. It made me feel better to actually do something. And it smelt like swimming pools. In some twisted way, that made it lighter…

In times or tiredness: music

It’s been a while since I posted, but you all know I’m really busy now. Next to that I completely lack inspiration. I’m so tired. I can feel it pulling me down, literally. Gravity seems to have hands who grab onto my clothes and slowly pull me down. Though I’m always tired, I don’t sleep very well. Apparently, my favourite hour to really wake up mentally, is 22h. Or later. Rarely any earlier than 21h.

Life can be hard.

I also seem to have forgotten how to talk to people. What do you say? How do you smile? I used to know this, how could I forget? I am becoming a loner who doesn’t want to speak to people. Communication? Why should I?

I guess I just need a lot rest and stuff. Meanwhile I offer you a cool video – classical music is nice to listen to while studying, so I found this video in which every instrument has its own colour and ‘little block’. Like that you get more aware of what is exactly happening. And that’s nice. But if you don’t want to watch, it’s also just a nice piece.

The enemy and I

It’s a love/hate relationship. We’ve learned how to get along with each other. I know how to push your buttons. It seemed like we had a kind of deal: you accept me, I accept you. And I apologize for not always knowing what’s wrong, for not always understanding you. I really wish I could, you know. We could have the greatest time if only we could figure out how to get along and stuff. If only I could fathom you…

Because I’m using you without knowing what is going on on the inside. I’m using you every day, getting you on and off whenever I need you. Do you need me? I don’t know actually. I assume you don’t. I assume you’re here because you are the one who knows all these things about me, who gets me to places. Whenever I need advice, or even when I want to know when the library’s open, you can help. I’m very grateful for that.

But why is it so hard to really get along with you? Why do we always crash when I really need you? Is it me letting you down, or you letting me down? I can’t tell anymore. Our situation has improved a lot already, we’ve come from nothing to this. But it’s still not really what it should be. There’s still a lot of things that should be better… I want to be sure I can rely on you, I want to know more buttons I can push… I want to understand! And I want you to tell me what I do wrong. Sometimes I just sit here, baffled, not understanding what on earth went wrong. Can’t you just say what I should do in order to make it work? How hard can that be? You’re able to do so much, you know so much – why don’t you spread the wisdom? Share it with me. I beg you.

What’s going on?

In a few weeks I have an exam I’m eagerly (ahem) studying for. It’s an IT exam, and as you might know, computers will always be a struggle for me. By now I finally figured how to use the Internet, and Word perhaps. But overall I have a really small knowledge which won’t make me pass my exam this way. I do have hope that one day, my computer and I will be best friends who really understand each other. Until that day, I struggle and battle on. What else can I do?

Welcome to the cage

Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable. You’ll be spending the next three weeks here, between these four walls, only coming out to eat and get something to drink. No, not in a bar. I mean to get yourself coffee in the kitchen. To stay awake and hydrated.

Between these four walls you’ll stay, you’ll sleep here, study here, sneaking around on the Internet while you really shouldn’t. After three weeks of continually being here, you’ll have the finals – you’ll be spending equally as much time here as between those other four walls. But those four walls, there you’ll do everything: sleeping, eating, studying, sneaking on the Internet, and drinking (coffee and tea, still). Repeat.

Every once in a while there might be a moment when you see someone else – they will be alive, but you just won’t be sure, because you don’t get to see anyone. You can suppose they’re alive, but you won’t see them often enough to really have the prove. Seeing people again will be weird. What are you supposed to say again? What can you even talk about? Nothing really happens. Your books will become your new best friends. (Though it’s going to be a hate/love relationship.)

You’ll forget what good-looking clothes feel like, or shoes, let alone makeup. You will partly forget what being in a bar feels like, but that won’t change the missing. It feels like being buried alive. Buried in books. The outside world, with people living and leaving the house and everything – too unreal. Can it be that there’s still a life after this? If you survive, that is.

The good part is that your parents take care of you. Food will be served, dishes will be done (with a machine that does the work for you, can you believe that?), groceries will be shopped. Your only job is to ram all the information into your head and survive.

Survive.

Welcome to the cage.

Humour Level: Finals

Tomorrow, I will have my last exam. Until that very moment, I will laugh at this jokes.

“Microwave at work is now demanding human sacrifice.”

The exact truth.

Hipster Willis Carrier

All via 9gag.com and memebase.

 

Hidden talents

1. Spotting rain.

When I say it’s raining, it is raining. Trust me. Even though you might not see it. I’m never wrong.

2. Intonation.

My Russian teacher said my intonation was very good after my last oral Russian exam. I guess it’s a talent… Right?

3. Making spaghetti.

As in: warming up spaghetti. With my spaghetti-make-Tupperware-something. I got it from a friend and it’s like the best gift I ever got.

Heavenly, heavenly this.

4. Remembering music.

Like, really well, every instrument and every note. This mostly occurs when I’m half awake, and often I seriously have no clue of what song it is. I just lie there, the music plays in my head and I feel like I’ll never forget it – which I do. And I never find out which song it was. Almost never. But the music is somewhere in my head, hidden, locked up, waiting for a moment to come out and haunt me.

5. Writing without editing.

I once had an exam for which I had to write an essay, two pages max. While everyone was making schemes and writing it down as a draft first, I just started writing as soon as I had a general idea of what I wanted to say. The point is, if I write it down somewhere else first, I will be tired of it as soon as the draft version is finished. I kind of hate writing the same thing twice. So most things I write are pretty editing-less.

6. Getting a heart attack because of myself.

I can freak myself out by climbing creaking stairs, or by using the toaster. One tip: do not watch the toaster. It somehow enlarges the shock when you’ve got the visual effect as well.

Talented me, right? But what are your hidden talents?