When you start to appreciate

Do you love your family?

You probably do. Because, you know, it’s your family. You kinda have to love them. They’re the people you can’t avoid, so it’s better to accept them and like them.

But lately, I’ve noticed that I really love my family. Like, I am really happy to go home, to talk with them, to see them again. Not just because I have to, but because these are the people who know best how my mind works and why. In the end they’re the ones who had the biggest influence on me, so we are often so alike that well, other people will never understand it the same way as they do. It’s a bit weird though – this feeling really crept upon me a while ago to never let me  go again. I’ve always liked my family (offend them and you offend me – that kind of thing), but since a while I am conscious of that fact. I appreciate them more than ever.

Why? How?

Why do I want people to text me when they’re home? Why am I so worried about everyone? Am I becoming an emotional, caring and worrying creature?

I don’t want to make it sound as if I used to be a heartless little prick, but I guess I just wasn’t aware of how lucky one can be and how easily something can go wrong. Mostly people get all worried when they’ve been confronted with sitataions such as an accident or something. Then they suddenly ‘start to appreciate the small things, appreciate the people ‘ and so on. But I haven’t been in such a situation yet and still I’m appreciating everything, including people, more and I start worrying and everything.

There’s only one possible reason.

I’m growing up.

More of this here.

I guess it was inevitable. As soon as this academic year started I felt something had changed. Like, it became boring and I became one of the people saying ‘no, I shouldn’t go out, I have to work for school’. If that isn’t a sign of an upcoming boring adult life, I don’t know. And I guess a big part of that kind of life is that you start to realize what can go wrong (that’s like everything) and start to worry. Which isn’t all too bad, when you appreciate people and family more, but on the other hand is exhausting to worry all the time.

Maybe I just need to go find some swings again.

Swiiiiings! Source

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When maturity kicks in…

It struck me a while ago. I was in a book shop, where you can buy textbooks and pens and that kind of stuff. The people who work there are always in a bad mood. It’s always crowded and the queue’s are long.

So I was there.
And I bought an agenda.

I did this before, but it was never much like this. And it only got worse – I used it. I actually used it.

So now it’s impossible to close my eyes to what’s happening. People – I’m getting mature!

But honestly, it was about time. With all the work I have now, it’s almost impossible to do what I did last year. My first year of university was quite relaxed. I did what was necessary, got good grades, but I also went out a lot, in the last months often two times a week, and when I went out, I drank too much. I never really did something stupid, but I wouldn’t be well awake the following day, and I wouldn’t do anything productive either. When I had class at 11 am or even 2 pm I didn’t do anything (except for washing my hair). I can’t even remember how I did that. How could I be so… stupid? Yes, stupid. I got good grades in the end, but I hated every and each morning after a night of drinking. My limits weren’t limited enough. How could I not see that going out late is even more fun if you aren’t exhausted the next day? (Drinking less makes the morning after so much nicer!)
It was a year full of going out and confusion situations. One very bitter experience in the beginning of this school year has made me think though. It was enough. It was too much. I was sick of this weird things happening when having drunk, I was sick of being tired, I was sick of people in general.

Because sometimes, maturity can’t express what we really want.

So then things really started to change.

Not only did I buy an agenda, I never drunk that much anymore, I started studying, I woke up earlier so I could do school stuff before class. I’m becoming boring, but responsible. There’s no more drama. There’s no more annoying, tired, headache-y morning afters. Instead I go home in time and accept the fact that those wild nights are no longer possible. I’m just so overwhelmed by all the work I have. It’s only been the fourth week of our school year and I’m already panicking.

Becoming mature isn’t fun.

It has to be said. It’s better, it’s healthier, I guess it pleases the people around me, but it’s boring. My life is changing into ‘school and school only’ and I don’t like that. There are no more stories to tell because I don’t go out late with a lot of beer anymore. There are less bizarre events (though still too much – in an unpleasant way) to laugh with. Life is studies. Yes, I like to be well awake and the lack of the aftermath of beer. That’s great.

But now I want exciting things to happen again, in between studying and eating and sleeping… There might just be a minute left for the non-mature part to show up again!

My Life – An Update

A few things going on right now:

– the beginning of weeks filled with studying (finals are coming!)
– me realizing my life has moved to the city of my university
– me realizing I’m not nearly as dramatic as I used to be
– does this means I’m growing up?
– me realizing time goes fast, way too fast
– having seen The Hobbit and approving of it
– wanting to see Anna Karenina like desperately

Next to that, I’ve been overthinking something that recently happened, and I realized I’ve said so many true things. I was so right. Not fateful, but right. Holding water is impossible. But I’m not nearly as dramatic as I used to be about it. Guess that’s sort of growing up…

So, what’s going on in your life?