FAQ to the Vegetarian

You don’t eat meat?

Nope, I don’t.



But a bloody steak can be so good…

I disagree. De gustibus etc, you know.

Do you eat fish?

Considering the fact that they are also animals, no.

Then what do you eat?

Yeah, nothing you know. Vegetarians don’t eat. A sporadic thistle perhaps.

Are you kidding me?

Is it so hard to imagine vegetarian food? There’s plenty. You can easily eat pasta without meat. There’s tofu, and quorn, quinoa, rice, blé, nuts, beans, dates and so on.

Aren’t you a hypocrite? You’re wearing leather shoes.

Yes, I am. But there are reasons for this. Leather shoes are better for your feet and last longer than plastic ones. Plastic is ecologically not much better than breeding and killing animals. Next to that, I stopped eating meat because of ethic reasons, but by now I just dislike the taste of meat a whole hell lot. I’m not a raging vegetarian who tries to convert everyone. So in this context, please excuse me my leather shoes.

So you don’t think everyone should be a vegetarian?

No. It’s a choice you have to make. If you choose differently, good for you. The only thing I ask is that you stop talking about bloody steaks when I tell you I don’t eat meat, and that you consider not eating meat every now and then. It’s ecologically better to skip it for let’s say a day each week. Be open minded towards this. Thanks.

But, I mean, it’s silly anyways, because people are made to eat meat. Didn’t the cave-dwellers shoot bisons and eat them?

Yes, they did. But before that, people were herbivorous. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I don’t live in a cave anymore.

Don’t you miss it?

No. As I said, I started disliking the taste and even smell of meat. It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore, just like some people don’t like oranges or something.

When will you eat meat again?

If you let met the choice, never.

One day you will.

Shut the fuck up and get out.

In case you meet a vegetarian one day, please try to ask something more original, like ‘Do you prefer quorn over tofu?’ or something like that. Thanks a lot.