When I was in primary school, we were obliged to pray before and after our lunch. I don’t think any of us really understood what we did, or why were doing that. The little prayer we had to say contained ancient Dutch words which I didn’t fully understand until I was 11 or something. It was just something we did because we had to, and we were young to wonder why we were doing that.

I went to a Catholic school, in case you actually wonder why we had to pray. There are still many Catholic schools up here, but it doesn’t mean anything more than having ‘Religion’ as a course and perhaps praying every now and then. I wouldn’t even able to do a full prayer now… But I also didn’t do my Confirmation. I won’t be going to heaven.

The point is, nowadays religion has become exactly that prayer for me : it’s obligatory, you don’t ask questions, but you also don’t really know what you are doing and why. Don’t get me wrong, I respect faith, but religion is different. Religion means rules and sin and judgement. Religion means someone will tell you what God wants you to do in order to get a place in heaven. Religion means you are always wrong somehow…

There is a now girl in my student house now, who goes to church and bible study every week. Though I know I shouldn’t judge, I seriously can’t get my head around that. Faith I can understand somehow (though I can’t believe in a god), but how do you accept people telling you the same stuff over and over again? ‘You’re a sinner who should do good’? Of course you could say ‘how can you go to dance class every week?’ and I would have to admit it’s something I’m passionate about, so perhaps she is passionate about God.
But honestly, when I heard this, it sounded more as if she was raised in the conviction that she had to go to church and bible study. She was brought up in this kind of family. Did she even have a choice? Does she want that choice?

I know I wouldn’t be able to just swallow and nod. I don’t like authority. I mean, authority can be good, but it’s a typical trait in my family to not accept people telling us we’re wrong when we’re not. You can be just wrong, or you can have someone saying you’re wrong when you’re convinced you’re doing something good. We’re not the kind of people who just bow and change their way. We are the kind of people that will say ‘I’ think I’m right’. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I am just unable to go to church.I like churches, but not the mass. Everyone is sitting there on these uncomfortable chairs and they hear someone say ‘you’re born a sinner!’ and they think ‘yes, I’m a sinner’ and they pray and they trust that they will go to heaven.

How? How can you be convinced of the fact you were born a sinner? How can you stand someone telling you you were a bad person when you were born? And how can you believe a prayer will make up for everything? Religion can’t undo what you have done, whatever the rules say. The rules are just there to make you comply. Every and each rule is made to silence the people. If it’s not made for that, it’s certainly used that way.  Did you know that the celibacy is the result of the Church fearing that her wealth would be divided over the children of the priests? There’s a reason behind every rule, and most of them aren’t made for your peace.

Most people who claim to be the closest to God, are the people who are the biggest assholes. They are the ones who have always claimed to know what God wants. They are the ones who made up the rules. They are the ones silencing you. But it’s okay. A few confessions and prayers and everything will be allright. After all, God will forgive them, right? The fact that they are the least forgiving doesn’t matter. They shouldn’t be as forgiving to sinners. Why would they? They are the people who are right and good. They are allowed to judge.

Because they will go to heaven.