Oh the Panic

Have you ever been in a situation where you really, really wanted something, and then, when it got real, you got a panic attack because you’re not completely sure?

I’m in that position now. I’ve been saying I want to study abroad for quite a while now, but we finally got a list with possible destinations, and suddenly I would love to stay at home and stay here and not go away. As soon as I saw the list, panic rushed through me.

Shit’s getting real! Fuck! But I’m not really sure about this! I don’t know anything about this!

It’s true that there is still a lot to be done before I can really go studying abroad. Lots of documents, lots of stuff, lots of everything. That kinda scares me, because I’m always afraid of doing something wrong. Next to that the deadline to send all the documents needed to actually have a chance is really soon. Communication has been hard, so we were informed about this very late and now suddenly everything has to happen in a hurry.

It’s not the moment to hesitate. I’ve been saying I want this for quite a while now. I’ve been hearing stories of people liking it. But now suddenly, I’ve come to realize I will leave my family and friends behind and now it scares me.

It’s a great opportunity though, for a language student. I know I have to do it. But I really hope the panic will be replaced by enthusiasm soon…