A story of boy meets girl… and hurts her badly

After my last post,  the result of a challenge, I was encouraged by some bloggers to tell more, to tell what happened next. Well, the truth is that I have already told you quite much. As always though I haven’t been clear. It always takes ages for me to be completely clear about what happened…

But today, I will tell you The Entire Story. The story of boy meets girl. But not with a happy end.

As my posts are mostly vague on the events, I’ll explain it in short. I met a guy. He seemed nice. At the end of February he kissed me. We spent the night together, but as I am a clever girl, we didn’t do anything more than kissing. He told me, literally, that he wouldn’t break my trust, that he wouldn’t ignore me. And then, he ignored me.

This broke something in me for the following reasons: I’ve been hurt in similar ways before. When this happened, I was thinking I could not handle such a thing anymore. And than this happened.
I really trusted him. Very much. And then he broke my trust.
He promised me not to do that. I feel like I can never trust people anymore.
He made me feel like I was not good enough.
He made me feel like I had shown my weakness. I cannot stand that.
He made me feel, once again, that I might grow old alone.

Now that is a short, very theoretical approach. Let’s take a look at what I wrote before… And this time, I’ll put it in a logical, chronological order. (There is even a list, at the end.)

So, Caught tells the story of how it happened. How we met. How he kissed me. A few days after this event, I wrote Repeat after me. This poem describes above all the guilt I felt, the guilt for letting this happen once again. At that moment though, I was still not sure whether he would contact me or not. Though it was highly unlikely, I still had a little bit of hope, somewhere deep inside.

But that changed. And I started plotting revenge. O, like I plotted revenge! I lived on it. I lived on hate, to protect myself from ever letting myself be fooled again. I needed the anger to know that I would not tolerate it.

Later on, I kind of got over it. I started studying for the finals, found out that I hated that even more than him, and then stopped actively plotting revenge. I would still like to punch him in the face, very much, much more than I’d ever like to admit, but it’s not haunting my thoughts anymore.

So, if you want to read the story in an understandable order with more details, here you go:

1. Caught
2. Repeat after me
3. The Sweetest
4. Return to Peace

And with this being told, here’s one more reason for me to hate him: it still hurts me after more than three fucking months. And that for just one night of treachery. So I dearly hope that I can add another post one day, a post about my real revenge, a post in which I can finally tell you that I no longer care about it.

Until that glorious day I just make sure to be fabulous when I go outside, so that when we run into each other, at least he’ll see what he’s missing out on.
And I pray that it will hurt like hell.


Update: so there is a fifth episode… The final one.

Slightly too late, but still: pie time!

I just got to realise today that I’ve been blogging for over a year now! Which I find a joyful thing actually. One year of sharing my thoughts and passions and overwhelming you with it. Endless posts on music and dance, a handful short stories, a thousand comments. But what has blogging really given me?

* Friends. I consider you to be friends – not the kind you go have a drink with, because of the lack of means, but still, you’re all a part of my life. And some of you are people I’d love to meet in real life, to have a drink with in real life. Really.

* Smiles. It happens quite often that my day’s nothing special, or even annoying, but then I see a nice comment or great post and then you make my day.

* A third place in a competition, a giant book, a nice bag, a great weekend, an amount of friends on Facebook. I won that third place with a story I wrote for this blog, and all the rest was a nice result of winning. I need people to read what I write, that’s the trigger for me to write, and you are the audience that make me type and eventually somehow become what I always wanted to become – a writer.

* The possibility to use my knowledge of English. I still make many, many mistakes, but I believe you all forgive me. I’m but a Dutch speaking girl after all…

* Knowledge about stuff. I can’t give an example right now, but I’m sure at least someone must have written something that made me smarter.

* Self confidence. Nothing boosts your narcissistic side as much as all the positive feedback you get. I loved your comments when I wrote my short stories, or when I was a bit down. You cheered me up. That is always nice.

On the other side, what has blogging taken from me?

*Lots and lots, by which I mean lots of time. Hours and hours, days even, and by now perhaps a month or so.

But that doesn’t really matter. If I couldn’t blog, I would be terribly bored sometimes. You keep me sane! That’s awesome! Maybe I thank you too often, I’m getting so cheesy lately… But here it is, for all of you sweet people (even the tough guys are sweet after all):


I’m heading for another year.

PS: I was just a witness to a fly at its last minutes. Now it’s lying dead next to me. A rather disturbing thought really.