The devil’s arms

You want to hear a story?

I will tell you a story – just don’t expect a happy end. That’s not how it goes. Because as always it started with a bottle, finished faster than it should be. Which is a sign that something will happen – either you remember, or you don’t, but something will happen. And the need for adventure starts running through your veins. Whatever common sense you were holding on to, you are suddenly willing to let go, and see what happens.

That’s when the danger starts. I put on black eyeliner and greeted the devil. He gently laid his hand upon my shoulder. I smiled at my reflection.

And into the darkness we went. Darkness dances best, and we only drank more – of course. I like that atmosphere of disappearing into yourself with the excitement in your veins and muscles. It crawls upon you and holds you tight. It points at the world around you and tells you you can do everything. Do it. Do it.

Then he came along.

I held the devil’s hand as he slowly started leading me further and further away from where I used to be. My vision got worse and worse, to the point where everything was blurry. Away from the lights at the other side. Wave goodbye to what is good and reasonable.

He kissed me, clawed his hand in my hair and kissed me. I closed my eyes and let it happen.

Don’t let go of me now, you were leading me somewhere. Beyond many points of no return – but with my eyes closed, I couldn’t see them anymore. They were humming, I could feel them, but I kept my eyes closed. Touched them goodbye. Didn’t let go of the devil’s hand, leading me away from all of that. He led me to somewhere deep, a place where I could curl up and fall asleep peacefully. He covered me with a blanket and kissed me goodnight.

I lost everyone, and I started feeling not well. I pushed myself up on the sofa, where we were sitting, almost alone, and tried to inhale deeply. For a moment, it was overwhelming. He took my hand and said: “We should go outside, maybe that will help.” So we went outside. There was a bench right in front of the door, which made me so happy at that moment. There was nothing more delightful than sitting and waiting for it all to pass by. I did start to feel better, slowly. Somehow, we decided it was time to go home though. And home we went. My home, to be specific. With one eye open.

I wished I could sleep. I shouldn’t, because it would make me hung over, but I wished I could sleep. Forever.

He said I should go lie down. He said nothing would happen. For some reason, I let him in. Vampires cannot enter a house uninvited. How did I even manage to open all three doors? He sat down, I moved around the table and sat down next to him. It was getting lighter outside already. I had lost all track of time. I had passed too many points of no return, and I would only come to regret that.

With my hands bound, my head down, my eyes closed, my throat wide open… The song got stuck in my head.

I lay there naked and cold, too tired to move. He stood next to me and covered me slightly with the blanket I was lying on. To my satisfaction he lay down next to me.

I slept in the devil’s arms that night, and no one ever held me tighter than he did then. With a soft breathing in my hair, his strong arms enfolding me and letting me fall asleep peacefully. Deep inside, I curled up and fell asleep forever. Just a soft, sweet silence.

I don’t remember much more than his voice, “I have to go home”, and the sound of the front door closing. It woke me up and made me run to the window. There he went, walking away. That was all.

Tear my rib cage open. Drag my heart out. Hold it for a second, and then let it fall.

His strong arms dragged me back to sleep. I curled up, in anticipation of the parting. I stood at the other side, held the devil’s hand and watched the lights. Silently I sighed and asked him if there was a way back. He shook his head and kissed me softly. There was a time I was on the other side, I told him, and you can still see the good one standing there. But he’s too far away now, the devil answered. You’ve followed me here. You followed me to the darkness, out of free will. Now you will always be the bad one. But I will hold you, and I will kiss you.

I know I have made too many bad decisions to return to the good side.

He let my heart fall.

The devil and I stood there and watched it happen. His hands were heavy on my face, and my ribs were broken. I crawled my way inside, lay down and watched the blind darkness. There was nothing but me. And there, isolated, with stones on my chest, I dropped on my knees and for the first time,


I begged.

*The song is Prison Sex by Tool. Yep, that’s the actual title!*


There was something in the way he looked at me. He had very blue eyes, which caught my attention straight away when we first met. He seemed such a nice and sympathetic young guy. He did something with music. He had a vivid way of laughing. He was a good stranger to meet, a good acquaintance to have. But we stayed in our worlds, like we were supposed to do.

In a year and a half , we would meet three times. We had a common friend, J, who sometimes invited both of us at the same time. Then our worlds would overlay for a little while. I liked the fact that he would be there, since I had seen him more often than the other friends of J. It would still stay to that, and we would still stay in our worlds. There was a fine line though. A fine web. Nearly impossible to see, barely something you could feel.

The third time we both met up with J, I noticed that there was something in the way he looked at me. Just a second too long, just a little too strong. With those very blue eyes of him he could almost pierce through you. As ever I was happy to see him again among these other people I knew less well. I did enjoy talking to him. I did enjoy hearing him laugh since he had such a vibrant way of laughing. We talked and talked.

Slowly, I spread my wings.

As always, leaving a place where you want to be is hard. It took me about an hour to go from the promise of leaving to actually deciding to do it.

“I have to leave now, for real. I have classes tomorrow… And I need my sleep.”

He then kissed me. I hadn’t seen that coming – at least, not until he put his arm around me just a short while before that. I wrapped my wings around him. Could we stay there forever? In that peaceful zone in between? No, of course not. There has to be a continuation. Something has to happen.

“Shall I go home with you?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

I could feel something sticking on me, enfolding my wings and myself. There was this look in his eyes. I broke my own promise and my own defense. Right there, on the corner of that street, the guilt crept upon me and clawed in my skin, tore at my ribs, aiming at what was underneath.

There was something in the way he kissed me. I kicked at the guilt as if it was a foul beast trying to kill me. It is okay. It is safe. The beast threw a white sheet at me, but I closed my eyes and turned away. I know it is okay. I trust.

I jumped to fly and flew right into the web he had woven.

And there, there I was left to die.


Written for this challenge. As soon I read it, I knew this would happen.



The Sweetest

It was still dark when I left your room, your house and later on your street. I didn’t tell you I was leaving. I murmured I would be gone for a second and then gathered my clothes and took my bag. You didn’t notice, I believe. One last time I looked back and saw a silhouette, yours. Quietly, at peace, happy. I smiled. I stood there and smiled.
Then, as quietly as you were sleeping, I opened the door and not only left your room, but left your life. You didn’t notice, I believe.

It was still dark when I walked home. I had decided to walk, because it made my mind clear. Soon enough the sun would come up and end the darkness. For now I enjoyed the silence on the roads. There was barely anyone awake and I avoided the places where all the drunk people would still be going out. My way home was a great one, silent and happy. How could I not be happy now? This was as close to perfection as it could get. When I got home, I logged in on Facebook and deleted you. I even blocked you, so you wouldn’t find me again. Then I put on a loose shirt and went to sleep.

Recalling what happened before we ended up in your place together made me smile and slowly fall asleep. I slept so well. I haven’t slept so well in ages, it seems. It was just a great feeling. I even smiled when I woke up. I could feel the triumph running through my veins and making my heart beat. I felt glorious. I wasn’t even tired, and got a lot done that day. There was always so much work to do, but today it didn’t bother me. Today I felt like I could carry the world.

I told you I wouldn’t forgive anymore. I told you I no longer wanted to be forgotten about. And you told me it was alright, it was all good, you wouldn’t hurt me. It’s a bit sad, don’t you think? It’s sad to see how people can lie to you, just like that. But see, I didn’t lie. I told you I no longer forgive people, and here we are. I believe you now notice that. You have woken up alone. You even texted me, what you refused to do the first time we met, the time when you told me how you wouldn’t hurt me. I never answered. I broke the line between us. The fine, vulnerable line that caught you, and then me, the one that tied us together until I got my revenge.

I’ve been patiently planning this. I have been waiting and when we finally got to see each other again, I smiled my sweetest smile. We had such a great time, we talked like we did last time. Everything seemed normal and good. Exactly like I wanted it to be. Then you asked me to come home with you and I didn’t refuse. It may have seemed that I hesitated, but I didn’t. I didn’t, because I wanted to rip out your heart like you ripped out mine.

And look. You’re standing in front of my door, confused, longing. The tides have turned.

The tides have turned, my friend! And my revenge is sweet.

Ten percent

A week ago, WordPress kindly informed me I’ve been blogging here for two years. Two years, that’s almost ten percent of my life. I was kind  of surprised as I still clearly remember the time when WordPress kindly informed me that I had been blogging for a year.

So much has happened!

Times goes so fast!

*fill in another obvious remark on time*

I feel like I’ve been getting better at blogging. I even wrote what I consider my best English poem (To get me out) and my best English short story (Thin air) so far. You know, I even considered stopping with this blog after having written Thin air. Not because I was tired of it, but because I strongly felt that there was nothing left to write anymore. Until I found another topic a few days later on.
But still. For a while I thought I wouldn’t be able to write something that would feel as good to me like that story. Which sound pretty pretentious now I’ve written it down. It actually felt like this though – what else could I write? Would it ever feel as finished as that story?

Of course I couldn’t stop blogging. That would be silly. I’ve been doing this for almost ten percent of my life! Probably even a full ten percent since I started earlier than two years ago. No regrets. Internet is great.

And one of the best things about blogging is that it makes you feel like you accomplished something when you’ve written a post. Even when writing that post caused you to not finish exercises, not learn something you should learn or not cleaning when there’s dust everywhere. But you guys don’t see the dust or the open books here! You only see a new post and you still read that stuff I write. So thank you all for that, and let’s stay in touch.

You can’t ignore such a well written demand.

Thin air

“Are you cold?”

He turned around and looked at me, with his light blue eyes. I tried to wrap myself up in my scarf and said: “Of course, we’re in Russia and it’s snowing.” There was frost on the windows of the little bus taking us to the base. You could almost see your on breath. I shivered.
The man smiled and said: “You’d better get used to it, if you want to reach the summit of the mountain.”
“I will reach it”, I said.
“Good”, he answered approvingly. “We’ll be both there.”

I didn’t think we would make it. I didn’t dare to hope so. And yet we made it, and promised each other we would make it to the summit of the Mount Everest. We would make it. One day. I remember that promise.

And here we are, on our way down. Why is this so much harder? And it’s cold here. It’s so cold…

It was the first time I met him. He and I climbed the mountain together and helped each other out the following days, and inevitably we started enjoying each other’s company. Alexander was such a nice man, and those eyes, they were too blue to be real. That’s what I remember from the first days. And then we reached the summit, made that promise. I didn’t believe it would come true. But life has its own ways.

“Don’t sit down to rest. That might kill you. Keep moving, always keep moving.”

But I’m tired.

I don’t think my mother believed we’d make it. When we told her we would be climbing the Mount Everest, she looked at me, hesitated, and then said: ” Are you sure, Vic?”
“Yes, of course! This is special, mom. I will regret not going.”
She nodded, then looked me in the eyes. “Come back home safely, Victoria.”
“I will, mom.”

That’s a promise, isn’t it? Like the one I made to Alex. We would make it to the top. And we did. It was beautiful. Snow. Everywhere this snow, a white world. It’s freezing. Such a landscape, as far as you can see…

Alex, where are you? We made it to the top. Where are you now?

It seemed so far away when we got here. The summit was covered in mist, and it seemed the closest to heaven you could possibly get alive. I remember the start, the excitement and disbelief that we would get there, so high. The thrill, it’s unbelievable. You can feel it in your fingers, in your blood and bones, crawling underneath your skin.
Like the cold does now. I feel the wind cutting through my bones.

We would make it.

“Go to the right up there, and then left again.”

“Over there?”

“And watch out for the man with the green boots. We’ll meet up there.”


They said it was dangerous to do without oxygen. I wanted to prove them wrong. It’s dangerous to climb this mountain anyway. I would want oxygen now. I wish breathing wasn’t so hard. This should not have happened.

“Don’t sit down.”

I was too tired and too cold and I sat down. Mom, I don’t now if I’ll make it. I’m sorry, mom. I don’t want to be here, not now, not when it’s dark. I sat down and now I’m lost. There is snow everywhere and here I am. Alex, where are you? I’m scared. I want to go home now. I promised. I said I’d be there.

Find me.

There should be other people around. We met so many others. Just like us. Aiming for the top. Wanting to reach it more than anything now. They will find me. They should. Please don’t leave me in the cold. I’m so alone here. I want to go home.

“Mountains are so majestic and strong”, Alex said. “There’s nothing you can compare to them. Reaching the summit is like sitting on the shoulder of a giant.”
“It is incredible”, I agreed. “I can’t wait to be there.”
We had a cup of coffee in a cosy bar with orange walls. Outside it was raining, but inside it was warm and nice. Pictures of the Everest were spread on the small table. Alex drew circles on it, pointing out the places we should see, important and dangerous points. Preparation is important. I warmed my hands with the cup of coffee and smiled at the thought of reaching it.
“It’s gonna be amazing.”

“You know what to do. Keep that in mind. It can get tricky here, so be aware of that. Watch out!”

I wish Alex was here. I wish you were here, Alex. I don’t know what to do. I feel terrible, it gets worse with every second passing. I should move. I can’t. I no longer can. What’s happened? Why aren’t you here? Why are you doing this to me?

“Watch out for the man with the green boots.”
He fell and froze to death. Will I freeze to death? He fell. Now he’s there. A body. Landmark. People die here all the time and nobody cares. Corpses are spread all over the mountain. I didn’t care. I should reach the top. The top, Alex. The top.

They said I should enjoy that. They said I should have fun. We embraced each other and smiled. Take pictures. I will. Then I got on the plane. The ground far below quickly changed. It was nice to see, and the clouds were comfortable.

“Which hand would you mind the least to lose?”

That was a joke. I don’t want to lose my hands. Stop freezing.

Don’t stop moving. I wish I could.

“Are you sure, Vic?”
“Yes, of course! This is special. I will regret not going.”
She nodded, then looked me in the eyes. “Come back home safely, Victoria.”
I cried.
“I can’t, mom. I’m cold. I can’t come home, mom! I want to go back, I really want to go back… But I’m so cold…”
She took my hands. A thousand pieces of glass through my bones.

Is that wind? Is that Alex? Where are you, Alex? Don’t leave me alone. Why are you doing this to me? Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me!
Take my hands. Where are you from? I’m an American. My husband should be here. Can you hear me? I don’t hear myself. Where are you from? Please stay. My husband will be here. Don’t leave me. I’m an American. I’m cold. Please help me. Oxygen. Are you cold? I’m so cold. Feel my face. What’s happening?


No, come back.

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me here.

“Come back home safely, Victoria.”

“Watch out for the man with the green boots.”

Mom, I think I’m dying.

“It’s so sad that he’s used as a landmark now.”

She took my hands.

“It’s cruel, but what can you do?”

Get him out.

Can’t they get the body away. Traces. Cover it in snow. Burials here, why should they not? Was he freezing to death? People freeze to death. Or exhaustion.

Do I hear you, Alex? Is that you? You should be here.

“Come back home safely, Victoria.”

Do your research. Before you even set out to climb mountains, do as much reading as you can.

Alex, I’m here. Please take me back home.

And justice for all

They say shards will bring luck.

“Why do you say that? Please don’t break my mirror. I still need it.”
“Are you vain or something? I’m the girl here.”
“I noticed.”
I wouldn’t doubt that. He put his arm around me, which made walking a whole lot more difficult. But I didn’t fight him off. We walked on, through the empty streets. You’d think there would be people all the time, but that’s not true. They appear at certain hours, as if it’s agreed upon. But how could drunk people remember such things? They probably had gone to sleep already. Maybe we could have seen the sun rise if we had waited a bit longer. But we walked on.

“Where are you taking me?”
“To my place.”
“Good. I’m thirsty.”
“I’ve got something to drink there.”
“I want water, I think.”
He laughed and pinched my shoulder. I didn’t pinch him back.
“Water, that’s for fish. I’ve got better stuff over there.”
“Okay then”, I said obediently. I was behaving like the good girl, which obviously pleased him. The tapping sounds of our shoes echoed against the walls. Slaloming around lampposts that dropped their light upon us. As if it were all spotlights, waiting for the action to happen so they could show it to everyone.

Avoid the light and the audience. This was not a play.
Beer bottles were left like bread crumbles, to find your way home again. I watched them, my fingers itched, but I was behaving like a good girl. My hand ran up his back. He smiled, but not at me.
“Are we there yet?”
“It’s the house over there.”

As he opened the door, I looked over my shoulder. We were leaving the stage, heading for the wings. No spotlights, no spectators. No saviours either. But I would survive. My fingers were itching. If only you could have seen me, there’d been a standing ovation. There was no one around though.
I followed him inside.

“This is my room.”
The clicking sound of a locked door followed my entrance. I sat down on a chair.
“What do you want to drink? I’ve got – let’s see… Rum? Gin? Beer?”
“Are you serious?”, he laughed.
“What else do you have?”
He took a bottle of beer out and showed it to me.
“That’s all.”
“Don’t you want anything… stronger?”
“I’ve drunk too much already.”
“No, you haven’t.”
That smile again. I reached for the bottle, took it, opened it, drank.
“Well, at least you know how to drink fast…”
It’s all because of the plan. You never know for sure when the curtain will fall, do you? Will the lights guide me home? You know, those lights at the front of the stage. Footlights. Guiding my feet back home. Safe and alone. I’m behaving like a good girl.

“Are you okay? You look a bit… nauseous.”
“I’m fine”, I whispered. I opened my hand to find the imprints of my finger nails in the flat of my hand. It almost looked like my hand was a map and the imprints showed the way home.
His hands were suddenly too close, running up my back, searching their way. I pushed him back off. Before he could do anything more, I stood upright. He tried to get up and reached for me.

But I smashed the bottle against the wall.

He stared at me, surprised and a bit shocked. He had freezed for a moment.”They say shards will bring luck”, I said.
“Why have you done that?” he asked uncomprehendingly. He still stared at the broken glass. My hand clasped the neck of the bottle, with the crenated edge.
I was no longer behaving like a good girl.

“What the hell are you doing? What is this shit?”
He started freaking out. Maybe he finally realized why I was here. Not to have a drink together. This is what you get when you deceive people. This is what you deserve.


There was still no sunrise, but at least the spotlights were still on. I was walking home with the sweet taste of revenge and a triumphant feeling running through my veins. Justice is what you make it. Justice feels good.
There was still no one around. If I closed my eyes though, the tapping sounds of my shoes almost seemed like there were people all around clapping for me.

Crossing the edge (part 2)

You’d better read  part 1 if you want to understand this… By the way, I changed the guy’s name to Nick. Just so you don’t get confused.

After some random babbling, I asked him the question he could have expected. “Why are you doing this?”
“Cleaning up the kitchen floor?” he responded. I couldn’t figure out whether he was joking or bloody serious.
“Robbing this bank of course.”
“We all need money.”
“Plenty of ways to earn money in a rightful way”, I said bitingly. After all this situation was too unpleasant to remain friendly. He even looked a bit hurt after my words.
“You are young, you might still believe in good people and unicorns and stuff”, he answered almost as curtly as I. He turned away, dropping the glass in the waste bin.
“You didn’t answer me. Why are you doing this?”
“We’re doing this because it turned out to be the only way of securing a good life.” He seemed to be still hurt, somewhat, or disordered perhaps.
“What happened to you then?”
“To me?”
“I tried to find decent work, but I’ve been in jail for robbery and no one trusted me anymore. I couldn’t earn money in such an easy way. How do they think I’ll find money then? They give me no choice.”
Well, he actually had a point there so I shut my mouth.
After all I couldn’t make him angry. I had seen his face, it was way too dangerous to freak him out. Luckily he didn’t seem to be resentful.

As we hadn’t hurried, a few hours had passed when we were finished. A few other robbers walked in and out and didn’t seem to care that I could see their faces. Forage caps or no forage caps, they didn’t mind. I won’t say they were all friendly. One of them even took me by the arms and said: “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing”, I murmured.
“Nothing? Are you Nick’s slave or something?”
The way he said that, had something really offending. I turned away my head, but I couldn’t get away. He was way too strong.
“Perhaps you are here to entertain us, puppet?” he asked with this creepy evil grin on his face. He pulled me closer, despite my efforts to push him away.
“Don’t fight me off, puppet, entertain me!”
“Let me go!” I said.
“No, I won’t. You have to deserve your place here.”
The closer he came, the more I tried to hurt him, but it was impossible. I didn’t see Nick anywhere; where had he gone? Why wasn’t he here to help me? Would he help me anyway? I got scared, really scared. I could smell that bastard, I could almost feel his stubbly beard…
“Let her go.”
Nick’s weary voice. I felt relief, but I still couldn’t free myself.
“Let her go!”
With a lot of anger, or resentment, or whatever, he let go. I recoiled in disgust, straight into Nick’s arms.
“Come with me, sweet girl.”
We walked away, to someone’s office where we were alone. We sat on the floor together, leaning against the desk.
“I was right after all. You did in fact have to save me.”
“It’s my fault”, Nick sighed. “I shouldn’t have taken you here.”
“Thank you”, I whispered.
“For what? For dropping you in a meat grinder?”
I didn’t answer him. He had to go for a few hours, and I should try to feed all robbers. I searched the closets and the fridge, and assembled enough food to give all robbers at least something. There were six of them, all men, and they were all starving. From what I heard, their mission was way harder to accomplish than they had thought. They hadn’t planned on staying in the bank for more than four hours, but they were already robbing for seven. It was dark outside, and I wondered how they were ableto keep the police out.
I divided the food, giving Nick more, and myself a bit too. One of the robbers remarked: “Is this it?”
“I can’t help it, the olive oil was spilt”, I answered. He laughed.
“May I ask something?” I said. The three robbers eating at that point, sitting at the small kitchen table the bank had, watched me with amusement.
“Permission granted”, one of them said.
“How do you succeed in keeping the police out?”
“Well, little girl, it’s all about knowing the right codes, the right things to say.”
“How much longer will you stay here?”
“As long as needed.”
“How long is that?”
But they didn’t know. When they had to leave, they called Nick in, and he entered with an agitated look.
“I’m sorry sweet girl, but I have to do this.”
“Lie down, I’ll have to tie you up. Don’t worry, just lie down.”
I worried of course, I was scared, but I lay down anyway and let him attach me to the desk in such a way I could not escape. Then he left again.

And I lay there.

Every now and then, he came to take a look, but not often. They were gone for hours. I was nearly sleeping, because I had been awake for too long, I had asked too much of myself. But I couldn’t really sleep. It wasn’t comfortable to lied there either. One time, when Nick entered, he said: “I’m having a nap now.” He seemed to be tired in fact. “I can’t let you go yet, you understand that for sure”, he sighed, and lay down.
“Nick, wait”, I whispered. “I have to pee.”
He let me go, said I should return as fast as possible, and I walked away. It was dark everywhere, it was night. I sneaked past many doors, opened a few of them, but I was too scared to face one of the robbers.
All off sudden, I heard someone behind me.

“The toilet is over here.”
I turned around, in shock, a sudden fear. Nick stood there, with tired eyes.
“Please… Don’t try to escape.”

Crossing the Edge (part 1)

It’s amazing how fast a group of let’s say thirty people can be made all silent and quiet. It took them at most twenty minutes. It’s also amazing how long it can take to get what you want. After two hours of sitting on that cold, hard floor, I was getting bored and wondering why it took them so long to get the money and disappear again. No word was spoken, because we were surrounded by robbers holding weapons. They hadn’t used them, only to scare us, but after two hours of silence, fear was completely leaving my body and brains. I started searching for a way out, something to do, anything to stop this annoying situation.
And slowly, a plan was developing in my head. I wouldn’t have done anything, I believe, if there hadn’t been one robber looking straight into my eyes, every time he passed by. I was sitting at the edge of the group, and as soon as I had gathered my courage and he passed by again, I looked at him with my most asking facial expression.
“Please…” I whispered. He stopped and bent over a bit.
“I have to go to the bathroom. Really.” He moved his hand and I cringed, almost as if I was deadly scared. His eyes, straight into mine. I could see he was in doubt, his entire posture showed it. He beckoned the other robber guarding us and they whispered to each other. Then he beckoned me and we left, walking into a small corridor. He took me by the arm, but not brutally. He seemed to be the softie of the group, the one who didn’t want to use violence, the one with compassion.
“It’s over here.”
His voice told me how young he was. I entered the bathroom, and he followed me.
“I’ll be waiting here”, he said.
“Okay”, I said quietly.
When I was done and washing my hand, I softly asked: “Will you keep us here much longer?”
“I can’t say, I don’t know”, he answered. “But don’t be scared, we won’t harm you if you just stay calm and silent.”
“I’d love to believe you”, I whispered, with uneasy eyes. “But how can I know if I can trust you?”
“Please, trust me. Why would I lie?”
His eyes straight into mine again. The rest of his face, and all the other faces, was covered with a forage cap, just like in a movie. Maybe I didn’t really realise this wasn’t a movie. The more we talked, the less I feared him. I needed but his trust.
“Maybe… Maybe I could believe you. You seem to be the one who has a conscience.”
“We’re human”, he said while grabbing my arm. “We’re not unscrupulous. Please, sweet girl, don’t fear us. It will take a little while before we go, but after that you’ll be freed again, unharmed.”
“Do they all think like you?” I asked.
“Normally, yes. If you all stay calm, at least.”
“Will you protect us? Will you protect me if not?” I whispered, watching him with despair. I grabbed his arm as well, begged him with my entire body and no more words. It was something he for sure could not resist.
Then he grabbed himself together again and answered: “There’s nothing to protect you from. Just obey them.”

I got him.

Not long after we had returned and I sat down on the cold, hard floor again, another robber rushed in and started talking agitatedly to my hostage-taker. I heard something like ‘oil’, ‘fallen’, ‘MESS’. “Find someone to clean this up, we can’t do it, like we don’t have enough to do already!” the other one snorted.
“I will take care of this”, my hostage-taker said soothingly. The other robber went off again, slightly calmer, and my hostage-taker beckoned me once more.
“Sweet girl, come with me.”
We walked through the small corridor again, to a small kitchen.
“What’s happened?” I asked him.
“Little accident”, he answered. When we entered, I immediately stopped walking.
“Oh my…”
The floor was covered in olive oil and shattered glass. Don’t ask me how, but someone had managed to get the bottle smashed on the floor. It was in fact a mess.
“I’m supposed to clean this?”
“Yes. I thought you’d like to do something instead of waiting”, he said apologetically.
“In fact I do”, I answered. “Thank you.”
He bowed his head, as if he was thanking me as well. I started cleaning up the glass so I wouldn’t get hurt by it, but then a small splinter slit my skin anyway.
“What’s the matter?” he immediately asked. I was watching the blood welling up on my wrist. He took my arm and looked at it as well. And then, then her removed his forage cap. I watched him, almost in shock. But he wasn’t looking back. He said ‘wait a sec’ and took a first aid kit out of one of the closets, disinfected the little wound and put an adhesive plaster on it, so carefully and tender as if the situation wasn’t awkward at all.
“So, you’re alright again?” he asked. He seemed to be somewhat embarrassed, but he hold my hand anyway, and looked at me. I saw his face. I just saw his face and wondered how I got him to trust me so easily. But at the same time, I knew I was playing with fire, and I knew that this could mean they would have to kill me.
“Yes”, I answered.
“Shall I help you cleaning this mess?”
“If you want to?”

And so we cleaned the little kitchen, but not with much haste. It was for sure the strangest thing I have ever done: cleaning a kitchen together with a hostage-taker. Talking to him. Calling him Nick. Trusting him.
All the while, the fire I was playing with was burning heavily.

The Story of the Missing Picnic Food

Someone ended up here when searching for ‘story the missing picnic food’, which I thought was quite funny. That’s when I opened a new post and decided to write a story about missing picnic food which would please the reader that searched for it.

It was a sunny day, a bright, sunny day that just begged to be filled with friends and picnics. No cloud could be dedected, however hard working people searched for it, and rain was something that only appeared in rain forest areas. It all seemed to be so damn perfect…
Alice felt the urge to run across the meadow that did not exist where she lived. They did have a little brook close to them, running through a small parc. She woke her sleeping boyfriend, Rich, who wasn’t as rich as his name would make believe, and said: “Rich, sweetheart, let’s have a picnic today.” After five years of knowing him, she should have thought of a better way of announcing her picnic. Rich pushed her away and slept on.
Of course, she thought. He won’t help me out now, but he will come with us. She phoned her best friend forever and ever Abby, who directly screamed: “Yes! Yes! That’s such a great idea! Yes! With the hubbies, I guess?”
“Yes, with the hubbies. Who else will carry the picnic baskets?” Alice laughed.

And like this, the picnic was arranged. Easy, quick, almost like fast food.

Alice hated fast food. She like fruit and orange juice and pancakes with ice cream and salads. Better for her body, she always told everyone. You won’t stay slim if you won’t stop eating fast food! Sometimes people aksed her why she would deny herself all the good things in life… “You only live once, girl!” But she was never sure of that. Imagine that everyone lived but once, what a waste of time that would be… She’d rather believe that everyone got second chances or at least, another try. She used that thought to console herself at night.

As she had guessed, Rich was willing to go for a picnic as soon as he had woken. Alice had prepared four picnic baskets, which seemed completely normal to her, but Rich said: “How hungry do you think we are?”
“We’re the four of us.”
“And as usually, we’re the ones who have to take care of it?”
“We? Who’s we, Rich? Remember when you were sleeping and I was preparing all this?”
Rich was surprised to hear Alice say that, and suddenly realised she was right. But still he felt slightly hurt. Women were supposed to give him self confidence, not to show him how he really was.

They left the house and drove to the brook. Everything seemed to be normal. Abby and Jake had already arrived there, but Alice didn’t know. They sat at one side of the brook, when Rich suddenly saw the friends sitting at the other side.
“Alice! They are over there!” he said. Alice, busy preparing the most perfect spot for the picnic, sighed and started to throw all the stuff back into the baskets.
“Great. You can go already, I’ll follow.”
Rich took basket and crossed the brook at the sall wooden bridge, where he was cheerfully welcomed by Abby and Jake. Alice followed and  carried two picnic baskets, counted one other, and sighed: “There’s one picnic basket missing!”
“It has to be still on the other side”, Rich said.
“Probably. I’ll go and get it.”
“Nah, we’ll do it!” Rich said, tapping on Jake’s shoulder. They immediately left to get the basket. It was surprising to see how those two lazy men suddenly were so kind. It took them incredibly long to cross the brook and to return with the picnic basket, but all men have secrets, right? Just like girls they needed to talk without any other ear around.

And when they returned, they only found two empty picnic baskets and no girls at all…

Panic. All of sudden, panic. “Where’s the picnic food?” Jake said. “And where are the girls?”
“They must have taken the food and now they’re sitting somewhere else”, Rich said. But however heard they searched at the brook, there were no girls. They decided to enter the woods. There was no one around. Where was everybody? Above all, where were Abby and Alice? Suddenly, Jake saw a girl with long brown hair and a slim body. Alice! He started to walk in her direction, until he saw another girl lying on the ground.

Blood… Blood everywhere. He recoiled in disbelief, but his eyes were right: Alice was standing next to the dead body of her best friend forever and ever. She had a gun, pointed towards Abby’s heart when she was still upright.
A gun… There had been no picnic food, not only picnic food. He heard Rich, who was running towards him.
“Have you seen them, Jake?” Rich screamed. Jake cringed, because he knew Alice would see him, and she did. She turned around and pointed the gun towards him. The steps were gone.

All was silent.

“Alice, what are you doing?” Jake stuttered.
“What I should have done long time ago”, she answered.
“I thought… I thought we were-”
“We were what? Liars? Betrayers?”
“Lovers…” Jake whispered.
“You know she thought the same?” Alice said, nodding at Abby.
“The – the same?”
“Yes, the same. But not of you. Of him.”
Now she nodded at Rich, who was just standing there, doing nothing at all. Jake was confused.
“What do you mean, Alice?”
“I mean both you and your wife tried to tear us apart. Both of you seduced one of us and betrayed the others. You were both liars and betrayers. You have always been trying to bring us down… But you won’t succeed.”
“Alice, it’s all a mistake…”, Jake said. He thought of Rich saying: “She’ll leave me for you and then I’ll be happy, Jake. Only when I can get rid of her… But you know how she is. If I leave her, she’ll hunt me down… Just one time, Jake. Do it for me. Your best friend forever and ever.” He thought of Abby. He thought of their money, which they partially gave to their best friend forever and ever, according to the bequeathal they once made up when being drunk.

Liar, he thought, before he was shot between the eyes, caught in the most treacherous complot alive.

Tadaam! I hope I’ve pleased the reader who searched for a story about missing picnic food. Even I had no idea what is would become when I started writing, but hey, two people were shot. It seems like no story is finished for me if not even one person has died.

Ah, well.

A gun for a lover


Don’t speak, my dear, I beg you.
The walls have eyes and they are watching us. Hush, my dear, before they find us, before they start closing in.

You believe in the power of love. I believe in the power of guns. It’s heavy in my hand, and it’s not even loaded yet. Its time will come. The sun is burning, my love, but I don’t know if you feel it. You know I will find you, in your cave or cage. Wherever you are, I will hunt you down.

I walk on. I believe devils exist. One of them is watching over me since my guardian angel gave up. He knew it was all in vain and left me. He walked away. I’m walking away. Sand, sand everywhere. And the sun is burning like fire, my love. Soon from now you’ll feel what it is to burn. The bullet in my gun. The bullet in your head. The sunlight dies. The night is coming. But I won’t stop searching, my love. You’ve run away, but I will find you. You left me, but I will find you.

Nothing will hold me back. I scream your name, my love. Maybe you hear me and cringe at the sound of revenge. Are you hiding behind this wall? It’s not a safe wall. The wind could easily blow it away. And then you’d be powerless. The bullet in my gun. The bullet in your head. I’m trembling of anger, pure hate for you. How could you…? How could you leave me like that? If I ever see your pretty face – I hit the wall – it won’t be pretty anymore.

Sometimes, I cannot hold it any longer. Then I smash walls and hearts and thoughts. All because of you, my love, and when I’ll find you, you’ll be smashed too.

Sounds. There are always sounds, even though it’s silent here.

We won’t survive. That’s one thing I know. He’ll find us. He’ll find us, the thought scares me. We’re already at his mercy. The walls are closing in.


Don’t you ever want to shoot the pain away? It seems so impossible that you still love him. Love is always over in the morning. By now, you should be drowning in regret. Face the truth, my love!  Soon it will be over. Your prayers are worthless and won’t save you. Can you already hear me shouting your name? The walls must be trembling, like you are too. Face me.
A bullet in my gun.

A shot for the pain inside.

Read the lyrics when hearing the song!

The song is one of my favourite songs ever. Powerful, poetic and just great. Especially combined with the lyrics this song is mind blowing, and way better than my story.