When maturity kicks in…

It struck me a while ago. I was in a book shop, where you can buy textbooks and pens and that kind of stuff. The people who work there are always in a bad mood. It’s always crowded and the queue’s are long.

So I was there.
And I bought an agenda.

I did this before, but it was never much like this. And it only got worse – I used it. I actually used it.

So now it’s impossible to close my eyes to what’s happening. People – I’m getting mature!

But honestly, it was about time. With all the work I have now, it’s almost impossible to do what I did last year. My first year of university was quite relaxed. I did what was necessary, got good grades, but I also went out a lot, in the last months often two times a week, and when I went out, I drank too much. I never really did something stupid, but I wouldn’t be well awake the following day, and I wouldn’t do anything productive either. When I had class at 11 am or even 2 pm I didn’t do anything (except for washing my hair). I can’t even remember how I did that. How could I be so… stupid? Yes, stupid. I got good grades in the end, but I hated every and each morning after a night of drinking. My limits weren’t limited enough. How could I not see that going out late is even more fun if you aren’t exhausted the next day? (Drinking less makes the morning after so much nicer!)
It was a year full of going out and confusion situations. One very bitter experience in the beginning of this school year has made me think though. It was enough. It was too much. I was sick of this weird things happening when having drunk, I was sick of being tired, I was sick of people in general.

Because sometimes, maturity can’t express what we really want.

So then things really started to change.

Not only did I buy an agenda, I never drunk that much anymore, I started studying, I woke up earlier so I could do school stuff before class. I’m becoming boring, but responsible. There’s no more drama. There’s no more annoying, tired, headache-y morning afters. Instead I go home in time and accept the fact that those wild nights are no longer possible. I’m just so overwhelmed by all the work I have. It’s only been the fourth week of our school year and I’m already panicking.

Becoming mature isn’t fun.

It has to be said. It’s better, it’s healthier, I guess it pleases the people around me, but it’s boring. My life is changing into ‘school and school only’ and I don’t like that. There are no more stories to tell because I don’t go out late with a lot of beer anymore. There are less bizarre events (though still too much – in an unpleasant way) to laugh with. Life is studies. Yes, I like to be well awake and the lack of the aftermath of beer. That’s great.

But now I want exciting things to happen again, in between studying and eating and sleeping… There might just be a minute left for the non-mature part to show up again!

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Peace

Peace is lying down, all day long, on a fluffy blanket. It’s reaching out as far as you can and feel your muscles stretch. It’s a ray of sun on your belly, or hands, or even the slight touch of an ear listening to your heart beat. Slowly lifting your head, then noticing that the day’s not over, there’s no food yet, nothing to wake up for. So you lie back down and enjoy the comfortable position you’re in. Peace is scratching that itchy place behind your ear before you fall asleep again. Sleeping it is, for the rest of the day, the rest of the week, the rest of the year for that matter. When this place is no longer enough, you can search for a new place. A chair, for example. A bed, if you see an open door by accident. Even the floor will do. Especially when it’s warm, the cool floor is amazingly nice.

Peace is watching your people sit, walk around, eat. When they’re all there, it’s all good. Nothing will happen, food will be there. You can roll over, stretch your paws in the air and sleep. Feeling your eyes slowly closing and obeying this gravity.

Life is good.

Life is good.

I’m so jealous of our cat…

Kat

via Wikipedia

To darkness and to me

Nothing but footsteps in an empty street.

No one to see. Sleep, people, sleep.

Keep your world small – pillow, human, sheet.

I will stay awake. I’ll walk.

There’s hunger I’ve caused which I must feed.

I know I shouldn’t run away.

Take me there, take the lead.

Force me to stay, make me talk.

I can feel my heart and body beat.

And the people sleep, sleep unlike we.

But I don’t want to feel the need.

It’s a dead end road, walk away, decisively,

And leave the world to darkness and to me.

I kind of stole that last line. Apologies.

Don’t bring the light

Don’t bring the light.
I hide between the sheets.
Cover me up, bury me deep, to
Never wake again.
I hang onto the night.
Let’s forget what daylight looks like,
Let’s forget the other side.
The world’s sheets and there I lie.
Don’t bring fright, for I deny
Anything that could strike,
That could pull me back to this mortal side.
Wrap me up in warmth, dig me a hole.
Maybe this could turn the tide.
A pillow’s fortress where I’ll be left sole.
I’m hiding deep inside.
Please…
Don’t bring the light.

Short & Random 2

I have a new morning habit: I try to dig my face in my pillow and act like I don’t have to rise. I don’t have to rise. I don’t have to rise. Plenty of time to sleep. I don’t have to rise.
Oh, I do.

One of the worst things that can happen

One of the worst things that can happen, is that your sleep is ruined. For example, when you are dizzy and feel like you can’t move your head without feeling like you are falling. Every little move wakes you up. Wakes you from a strange dream in which you can’t remember your phone number (necessary to be freed).
And then someone kicks your door open (light! so much light!) and jumps on your bed. He uses you as a pillow. Your ability to move is gone. When you try to move away, just a little bit, from your conquistador, he just rises again and moves back to you, dropping himself against your back. Merciless.
I succeeded in escaping my bed – although it must have looked pretty weird – and saw my cat lying exactly in the middle, sleeping peacefully. And poor me, with a head like a balloon, had to move because of no more space.
I love cats.

Until it sleeps

By now I must seem to be a die-hard Metallica-fan. I’m not a die-hard, but I like them, yes. I stumbled upon this song yesterday, because I needed loud music. LOUD but not scream or black metal etc. James Hetfield was what I needed. (And the rest too, but I’m not a die-hard so I don’t know their names 🙂 – shame on me though! ) This songs says exactly what I feel, or rather: I’d like some more sleep :). But no, really, it’s a great song, everyone can see it the way they want. It can be about so many things that it speaks of us all.

Sleeping is important, you know. And you dream about what happens to you so you can handle it the next day. Sometimes I really recognize things that happened once and then occur in my dream. But sometimes I wonder why o why I dream what I dream. Sometimes it just seems that my brains are fooling around. Deliveres some good stories the next day :). And surprises you: do I really have that much fantasy?!

Have nice dreams.