It won’t work today

It won’t work today. I won’t work today. For some reason, I lack the energy and above all the will to keep going. It’s only 11 am and I feel like I’m supposed to keep on working until 12 am. But see, it doesn’t work today. I feel like having too little time and too much to do. I have to study for my finals, but I also have three more deadlines to keep an eye on. And that’s too much for me to handle. Days are short, subjects are boring, and translating turns out not to make me happy. Instead I feel like I’m zombiefying. I get up at around half past 9 in the morning, start working an hour after that and don’t really stop, only to eat, until midnight. It’s the sixth day today and I’m broken and frustrated and angry and tired, so tired. At the same time I don’t see how I’ll ever manage to do all these things I’m supposed to do. If I fail an exam though, it will give me troubles.

So… A most uncomfortable situation. To top it off I suck at doing things when I don’t want to do them. Up until a certain level I will manage to get over my not wanting, but this, this is too much. Then my inner fiver-year-old shows up and starts screaming NO NO NO DON’T WANNAAAA! NO NO NO! This never fails to make me feel torn apart by guilt and stuborness. It’s sad, because so very often you have to do things against your will, but when I doo it too much, it affects me physically. I will have no hunger anymore, I will sleep bad, I will feel sick. I’m not there yet, but my body doesn’t agree on this system either. My elbows hurt from leaning on them, my neck hurts because I’m always looking down, my spine begs for movement and the best one: my jaws hurt from yawning. I kid you not.

I barely see people, I barely talk to them, I have nothing to say anyway. This is a dead period, with nothing but obligatory stuff and endless guilt because you’re not working. Even eating feels wrong sometimes. Mainly because I really don’t know how I’ll get everything over and done with it. It’s so much and it should all be so good… But how am I supposed to do that? What more can I do? I need my sleep, you know, I have to eat, I have to take a break every now and then… But how will I be able to finish it all then?

In short, I hate this. I hate this so much. I want it to be over but it will only end at the end of June. Hopefully I’ll survive. It wouldn’t surprise me if that weren’t the case though… *sigh*


It was Mooselicker saying I should write poems on every month, so thank him if you like these.

It’s June, the sun has returned
(And guess what, my legs were already burned)
But now I’m inside, finals coming up
And I’m so tired I can’t even use rhyme anymore…

Awkwardness of life

I wanted to post something.
And then I got tired. I have so much to do and so little time. There are mails to answer, there are blogs to read, comments to make, movies to watch, hours to sleep. Tomorrow I have to rise early so I have to go to bed in time.
Much of an exciting life here.
So I will just tell you two awkward things that happened today.

A woman came up to me and asked: “Do you have tea glasses?” I was just about to turn around and show her, when another woman appeared and asked “Do you have tea glasses?”
Very odd! People had never asked me before.

I was busy with some glass stuff, getting it more to the front so people can see it, when I heard a crisping sound. I thought ‘O no, what did I do?’. Then a big glass shard fell right behind me. One of the glass bowls just broke. Odd.

My day has been so amazing! Well, actually it was quite okay and I will probably post more about it, but now a movie waits for me.
And a great desert too.