A story of boy meets girl… and hurts her badly

After my last post,  the result of a challenge, I was encouraged by some bloggers to tell more, to tell what happened next. Well, the truth is that I have already told you quite much. As always though I haven’t been clear. It always takes ages for me to be completely clear about what happened…

But today, I will tell you The Entire Story. The story of boy meets girl. But not with a happy end.

As my posts are mostly vague on the events, I’ll explain it in short. I met a guy. He seemed nice. At the end of February he kissed me. We spent the night together, but as I am a clever girl, we didn’t do anything more than kissing. He told me, literally, that he wouldn’t break my trust, that he wouldn’t ignore me. And then, he ignored me.

This broke something in me for the following reasons: I’ve been hurt in similar ways before. When this happened, I was thinking I could not handle such a thing anymore. And than this happened.
I really trusted him. Very much. And then he broke my trust.
He promised me not to do that. I feel like I can never trust people anymore.
He made me feel like I was not good enough.
He made me feel like I had shown my weakness. I cannot stand that.
He made me feel, once again, that I might grow old alone.

Now that is a short, very theoretical approach. Let’s take a look at what I wrote before… And this time, I’ll put it in a logical, chronological order. (There is even a list, at the end.)

So, Caught tells the story of how it happened. How we met. How he kissed me. A few days after this event, I wrote Repeat after me. This poem describes above all the guilt I felt, the guilt for letting this happen once again. At that moment though, I was still not sure whether he would contact me or not. Though it was highly unlikely, I still had a little bit of hope, somewhere deep inside.

But that changed. And I started plotting revenge. O, like I plotted revenge! I lived on it. I lived on hate, to protect myself from ever letting myself be fooled again. I needed the anger to know that I would not tolerate it.

Later on, I kind of got over it. I started studying for the finals, found out that I hated that even more than him, and then stopped actively plotting revenge. I would still like to punch him in the face, very much, much more than I’d ever like to admit, but it’s not haunting my thoughts anymore.

So, if you want to read the story in an understandable order with more details, here you go:

1. Caught
2. Repeat after me
3. The Sweetest
4. Return to Peace

And with this being told, here’s one more reason for me to hate him: it still hurts me after more than three fucking months. And that for just one night of treachery. So I dearly hope that I can add another post one day, a post about my real revenge, a post in which I can finally tell you that I no longer care about it.

Until that glorious day I just make sure to be fabulous when I go outside, so that when we run into each other, at least he’ll see what he’s missing out on.
And I pray that it will hurt like hell.

REVEEEEEENGE

Update: so there is a fifth episode… The final one.

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Caught

There was something in the way he looked at me. He had very blue eyes, which caught my attention straight away when we first met. He seemed such a nice and sympathetic young guy. He did something with music. He had a vivid way of laughing. He was a good stranger to meet, a good acquaintance to have. But we stayed in our worlds, like we were supposed to do.

In a year and a half , we would meet three times. We had a common friend, J, who sometimes invited both of us at the same time. Then our worlds would overlay for a little while. I liked the fact that he would be there, since I had seen him more often than the other friends of J. It would still stay to that, and we would still stay in our worlds. There was a fine line though. A fine web. Nearly impossible to see, barely something you could feel.

The third time we both met up with J, I noticed that there was something in the way he looked at me. Just a second too long, just a little too strong. With those very blue eyes of him he could almost pierce through you. As ever I was happy to see him again among these other people I knew less well. I did enjoy talking to him. I did enjoy hearing him laugh since he had such a vibrant way of laughing. We talked and talked.

Slowly, I spread my wings.

As always, leaving a place where you want to be is hard. It took me about an hour to go from the promise of leaving to actually deciding to do it.

“I have to leave now, for real. I have classes tomorrow… And I need my sleep.”

He then kissed me. I hadn’t seen that coming – at least, not until he put his arm around me just a short while before that. I wrapped my wings around him. Could we stay there forever? In that peaceful zone in between? No, of course not. There has to be a continuation. Something has to happen.

“Shall I go home with you?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

I could feel something sticking on me, enfolding my wings and myself. There was this look in his eyes. I broke my own promise and my own defense. Right there, on the corner of that street, the guilt crept upon me and clawed in my skin, tore at my ribs, aiming at what was underneath.

There was something in the way he kissed me. I kicked at the guilt as if it was a foul beast trying to kill me. It is okay. It is safe. The beast threw a white sheet at me, but I closed my eyes and turned away. I know it is okay. I trust.

I jumped to fly and flew right into the web he had woven.

And there, there I was left to die.

 

Written for this challenge. As soon I read it, I knew this would happen.

 

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