Ever after and beyond

It was another regular day in the palace. Nothing that just happened once upon time, more like a thousand times upon a time. The days were like pearls of a necklace: all as close as possible the same. It was hard to say that this was very exciting. So I waited for the bright sun to get away before I left my bed. In the hallways the twelve children were running around and laughing, screaming, giggling.
“Shut up, you”, I growled to them. For a second they watched me and then ran away, silent like children still can do. A maid ran up to me and asked: “Can I help you get dressed, Your Majesty?” “That’s what we pay you for, ain’t it?”
So we entered my dressing room, probably the biggest room in the entire palace. For years I had been collecting my dresses. Some of them deserved a notable place, they were hanging in a sort of vitrine. My wedding dress for example, still brightly white, covered in the most expensive pearls and diamonds. I only wore it once of course, and now it doesn’t fit me anymore. I used to be thinner, but that was mainly because food was harder to get. I was used to luxury for a long time, until my stupid father decided to remarry.
Men can be so dumb.
Either way, after years of living in poverty, I cherished the silk and diamonds even more. That’s why I had an entire room with all dresses I had worn since I’d married.

“What dress do you want, Majesty?” the maid asked.
“That green one. It looks good with my black hair”, I answered. The fact that I had my hair coloured every week in order to remain that beautiful black-haired girl was a well-kept secret. The maid helped me get in my corset and started pulling the laces. I quickly turned around and yelled: “I can do this myself, you fool!”
She looked startled and then moved away. I believed she was the newest servant here and she wasn’t used to my habits yet. It’s pretty impossible to get your corset tight without help, so I pottered and cursed and didn’t succeed. The last time someone helped me with my corset though, I ended up unconscious on the floor. It was only one of the attacks I got to endure. In the end I had to give in anyway, so I let the nervous maid tie the laces together with her small, trembling fingers. Then she tried to get me in the green dress, a beautiful, hand-crafted dress, that apparently had become too small for me.
“It still fit two weeks ago”, I mumbled. “How is this possible? Someone must have done something wrong! What the hell is this shit. Get the red dress, now.”

Fortunately that dress still fit me. I never realized how marriage and luxury meant you would become fat as a dwarf. It made the world even heavier to cope with. But because of this I decided to take the stairs, for nothing in particular. My husband was the king of this country and he ruled it; I had nothing to do. Waving at people once every while, but that was about it. Still, I could see what was going on in the kitchen or something. After having been nearly run over by one of my too many children, I descended from the stairs.

Then, out of the blue, a delivery guy walked in. He was wearing about five baskets with all kinds of fruit. I abruptly stopped and watched this while my heart pounded. Danger! Danger! He didn’t seem to seem me until I ran up to him and smashed the baskets out of his hand.
“GUARDS! GUARDS!” I yelled. I was nearly freaking out. All the pears, apples, even pineapples were spread over the floor, bruised and battered. In the middle of it stood the delivery guy with big, surprised and slightly scared eyes. Meanwhile, the guards arrived and screamed: “What’s going on? What’s the matter?”
I pointed at the apples in front of me.
“The apples?” informed the tallest guard.
“Yes”, I said.
“Do they have worms or something?” asked the other one. When he saw my face, he quickly murmured: “Oh yes, yes, I see.”
“This is an attack!” I said angrily. “Don’t you see? Why are these here?” I kicked the apples away. “This is an attack! Arrest this guy and find out who sent him.”
“But ma’am”, stuttered the delivery guy, “This was just an order for the kitchen here…”
As logic as it sounded, I still turned my back to them and walked away.
People nowadays don’t respect traumas anymore.

Later that day, my tired husband came to me, rubbed his eyes and sighed.
“Was that necessary, dearest?”
“What?” I asked, but I knew.
“All that fruit has been thrown away. Wasted. For a few apples, dearest?”
“You know I dislike them.”
“You should realize that no one tries to kill you anymore. You’re safe here.”
His voice sounded so exhausted I almost felt guilty for giving him another thing to worry about. My once so handsome husband and I had turned into tired people with wrinkles. Where was the time we were both pretty and we sincerely loved each other? At least, for me it was good way out of the poverty and labour with the tiny people I lived with. It was a way to become a princess again, as I was before.
“I’m sorry, darling”, I said. “Now take a nap.”
“See you later, Snowie.”
“Yes, darling.”

And he went off again.

People never realize how hard life is for someone who was once called Snow White the tragic princess, and who is now a regular queen, becoming fat and ugly after having produced twelve babies. People also never realize how many recipes use apples.

Life’s as much a bitch as my step mother once was.

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10 Comments

  1. Oooooh, crafty.

    Reply
  2. My goodness, she’s turning into the evil queen!
    (Though with 12 kids, who can blame her?)

    Reply
  3. thegeekyg4mer

     /  July 22, 2013

    Lol I like. You’d love Once Upon a Time if you don’t watch it already 🙂

    Reply
  4. Oh my. This is genius! Happy never after 😀

    Reply
  5. Addie

     /  July 26, 2013

    Well done!

    Reply

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