Guilt

This weekend I watched a certain video and it got my inner debate about guilt going again. I had come to terms with it, more or less, but then it all got loose in my head again. Maybe everything was my fault? Maybe I am guilty and no one else is? Who would judge me? With these question the urge to ask everyone’s opinion returned as well. I would like to tell some people my story and ask them if I think it was my fault. On the other hand, I don’t want to tell it, because I would feel bad if they’d say it was my fault. However much I agree, I want to hear them say that I’m not guilty. I want to ask everyone for forgiveness. I want to ask for forgiveness while I only need to forgive myself, really.

This dictionary defines guilt like this:

1.

the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability:He admitted his guilt.

2.

a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

3.

conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.

Interestingly, they also define it as a feeling of responsibility, whether real or imagined. Guilt isn’t necessarily based on facts. It’s not black and white. There is an entire gray zone for every feeling, including this one. It’s very well possible that I blame myself way too much for what has happened. It’s very well possible that it is my fault. In the end though, I will never know, because there is no real answer to this question. No one has the right nor the ability to say how much of it was my fault and how much wasn’t my fault.
And yet I fear that people would judge me and think less of me. It would hurt immensely if someone who’s important to me would tell me that yes, I am guilty and no, (s)he doesn’t think I’m so “valuable” anymore. So far none of my friends has judged me, but who knows, maybe someone who knows me in another way would?
I do feel regret, and maybe that makes up for guilt, in a way. We want murderers to feel regret after all. I only harmed my own feelings, but maybe the thought of regret compensating guilt could make it better.
In order to feel comforted without telling you what happened, I would like you to judge this case, not regarding the consequences:
Imagine you know a man. He seems to be thinking of death a lot, you are talking to him about it and he seems to think it’s not bad, it could even be good. He lets you listen to a song about suicide. He hands you a gun, and when you load it, he turns to you so you could shoot him straight in the heart. However, during all this, he is high on morphine.
Would it be okay to kill him?
And if he weren’t high on morphine but living through a rough divorce, for example, would that make a difference?
(Luckily, I haven’t killed anyone, nor am I high on morphine. I just spent a while thinking about wrong and right and that’s when this all came up again.)
(It’s WordPress’s fault that the spaces don’t show. If anyone knows how to solve this, please tell me. It’s so annoying to read…)
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16 Comments

  1. Hypothetical never works so well on stuff like this. Can’t predict a reaction until the gun is actually in your hand.

    sounds like you had an all around crappy situation. Next time it happens, don’t do whatever it was that you feel guilty/regretful about. But don’t let them do something you don’t like either.

    Reply
    • That advice captures what should have happened entirely ๐Ÿ™‚ Depending on the day I can actually look at it from that point of view – just never let it happen again. That’s probably all I should keep in mind about this!

      Reply
  2. Guilt is an agonising gnawing at reason …. ideally you just trash it along with all those other empty calories that we stuff ourselves with hypothetically. Reality though is not an easy lady …. though she tends to role over and submit when you face her and tell her you just aint talking any more. As to shooting a man in pain who is high on morphine …. in my own opinion he is senseless and therefore cannot be trusted. Therefore the answer is no.

    Reply
    • Thank you for your comment! I will try to do that with reality ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Of course that response was exactly what I wanted to hear. Signs are probably never reliable when the person is not in a “clear” state of mind.
      Your comment really helped me ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  3. Guilt can be healthy within reason. Too much guilt has never been a good idea though! In terms of killing a man high on morphine, who knows… I think a human can’t kill another human, under the influence or not…

    Reply
    • That’s true!
      Well, I make exceptions for euthanasy and abortion for that. What is your opinion about those?

      Reply
      • This is such a grey area! I agree with you on those two completely. COMPLETELY. This doesn’t mean I am right, it’s just my whole hearted, honest opinion.

  4. Great Blog! Light and Love, Shona

    Reply
  5. I think I’d get that friend help because he obviously needs it.

    Reply
  6. As for the example, my answer is no and no, because it’s propably the morphine/depression talking and the man needs help.
    Not that I am the person to give advice about guilt… a good portion of guilt is still gnawing inside me and the only thing that keeps me from going and trying to make for my mistakes is that I would just make things worse by poking into them.

    Reply
    • I’m happy that no one seems to be killing our man ๐Ÿ˜‰ But yes, I agree.
      Hmm in some cases it might be good to apologize or try to do something, but if you are sure that it makes it worse… Then maybe not!
      But are you okay with it in the end? I mean, how do you deal with it?

      Reply
      • I am pretty sure that it’s one of those chapters of life you prefer to remain shut once you get over them.
        I just try to forget and I tell myself that it serves me right. Nope, I am not the right person to give advice…

      • I am sorry you have to go through that though… Hopefully one day it won’t bother you anymore :/

  7. Hope you are having tons of fun ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply

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