This is not what I signed up for

There are people who would say I’m lazy. There are people who would say I don’t want to learn. There are some who say ‘just do it’. They could be right. They could be wrong. But who are they to judge? I judge as well and I judge that a lot of what I do is not what I want to do. ‘That’s life’, you’ll say. ‘Deal with it.’ ‘Just do it.’

In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m not a big fan of ‘just do it’. I’m never ‘just doing’ something. I think about everything. Unfortunately, I wish I wouldn’t do it, but it seems that I can’t change myself so hard that suddenly, I’m ‘just doing it’. The point is, things should have a reason for me. I should either like it or understand what I’m doing it for. And even then it’s sometimes hard to get it done. I’ve just given up on an assignment that bloody hard and now I feel so stupid. Tomorrow I will try again, but it won’t help all that much and I will feel even worse about it. You see, I understand why I should be doing this, but I’m clearly not smart enough yet to do it and now I feel like I’m wasting time. There is so much to do, and there is so little time. I’ve got such a shitload of work and it feels like I’ll never be able to finish it. Let’s hope I will.

But meanwhile, all of our teachers just keep on giving assignments, stupid little meaningless assignments that you have to do. They take time. They take time I could be using for the preparation of my exams, which will be very hard. But I’m unable to get that done because there’s always this list of things I still have to do. And with every new assignment given, it’s like the teacher goes ‘I know you guys have so much to do, but here’s another thing, make it happen, just don’t sleep or something’. I kinda like my sleep though.

This is not what I signed up for. Of course I would want to party every day and stuff, which of course will not happen, but this is worse than what I expected. Give us a break, really. You expect us to be nice human beings with friends and hobbies, then why are you making us drowning in homework? And ‘just do it’ doesn’t count. I seriously hate it when people say that. It would be like saying ‘just do a triple summersault’. I want to see you do that and then we’ll talk again…

I’m not a fan of beingΒ  told what to do, so maybe that’s the problem. I know they want us to learn new things, but I also want to go out and have fun and feel young. Now I just feel very stressed. Like, VERY. I have no idea how I will be able to get everything over and done with, in time, without completely breaking down. It’s not just me, you know. I have to use sites which won’t work well. Hooray. When technology turns against you, you can forget it. Oh the joy.

Why do they want us to do nothing but working? Will they ever understand that I want more out of life than just making my assignments? How on earth am I ever going to be happy if I can’t do anything but working?

(And should this have a whining alert at the beginning?)

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26 Comments

  1. NotAPunkRocker

     /  April 7, 2014

    I have another friend in a similar situation, where the professor is so particular about such inconsequential things that they take up more time than what is supposed to be learned from the project.

    All work sucks, school and otherwise. I hope things let up for you soon.

    Reply
    • The worst thing about it is that you can’t do anything about it… They still have to grade you so you shut your mouth and swallow it allow. I don’t like that :(.

      But thanks! In a few days we’ll have a nice ‘school’ trip which will be fun and I’m looking forward to it :).

      Reply
  2. You girls and your ways of over complicating things, eh?

    I’m so glad I’m not a student any more, none of that exam and assignment shite for me now!

    Apologies for not being more helpful and/or encouraging.

    Reply
    • How boring would life be without the overcomplicating? C’mon!

      Though I like the ability to go out on a random day, there will be quite some things I will not miss whan graduating. And then I’ll start working and see that things never get better.

      You still have time to make a banner and encourage me.

      Reply
  3. Hang in there, NBP! My poor daughter (a college sophomore) called me last week and needed a pep talk. In fact, your worries and stress sound like a lot like hers. I’ll just tell you what I told her–deep breath, relax the shoulders and let’s find a way to tackle this. Deadlines come, they go. Tests happen. Sometimes you do worse than planned and sometimes you do waaay better. It seems a little overwhelming and hopeless now, but life finds a way to provide reprieves…like when you’re flying down the roller coaster thinking that if it goes any faster, you’ll just freak!! Then, you’re at the bottom, doing the slow climb and catching your breath.
    You’re not alone and please don’t ever think you’re not smart enough. Wish I could do more!
    MamaMick

    Reply
    • Thank you for your kind words! πŸ™‚
      It’s due to a sudden realization of the amount of work and just a moody week, I’ll probably find some courage again as soon as I have done something fun.
      It’s funny how you always think you’ll never make it and then, when it’s over, you suddenly realize you did it… And that is what I’m aiming for now as well! πŸ™‚

      Reply
  4. The hopefully helpful, but not appreciated comment:
    Can you break the assignments down into smaller chunks so they’re less overwhelming and easier to finish?

    The more sympathetic comment:
    THOSE BASTARDS!!! i bet they never even had the option of going out for a beer when they were younger, back in the Dark Ages.

    Good luck, NBI. I bet you get it all done, then go on to enjoy a spectacular break!

    Reply
    • I appreciate all of your comments! I’m trying to do that, but I get stuck on parts like understanding what I have to write down (literally not hearing what they say) or a site that won’t function or information I odn’t have yet.

      I do like your sympathetic comment a little more indeed ;).

      Thank you as always!

      Reply
  5. Trust me, you really DO NOT want to see me doing a triple somersault! I feel your pain, I hated studying…with a passion! Sadly on this I can offer no words of advice but I am here if you need me, as long as it does not involve studying lol

    Reply
    • I wouldn’t want to you, I’d be scared you’d break your neck! πŸ˜‰

      It’s just something you have to get through I suppose… But intil then I’ll whine a lot and walk around like a zombie ;).

      Reply
  6. Addie

     /  April 7, 2014

    Things really suck right now, don’t they? Here you go…that’s okay. It happens in life, and, even though we hate it, it happens nonetheless.

    We are here to listen, commiserate, give advice–wanted or not :)–and believe in your skills, talents, intelligence and, well, in you.

    Deep breath. You can do this. ❀️

    Reply
    • Oh Addie, that’s so sweet… Thanks for patiently reading all the whining and for believing in me. That makes everything way lighter! πŸ˜€

      Reply
  7. That sucks. It happens in the workforce all the time. A boss will give a project and say ‘just do it’ with little or no guidance. Then you ‘do it’ and they say well that’s not what I was thinking….do it this way, but make sure you have a work and life balance.

    You seem like a smart person and you will figure it out. Good luck!

    Reply
    • Bosses, I’m already looking forward to that… πŸ˜‰
      I will do my very best, that’s all I can do, but you can be sure I will celebrate the passed deadlines as soon as they actually pass! πŸ™‚

      Reply
  8. I really want to say; JUST DO IT.

    But that would be mean, wouldn’t it..?

    Reply
  9. Ah, good luck! I remember weeks of thinking, I’ll sleep when I’m dead and then some in university. My roommate thought I had been crying in the mornings because of the bags under my eyes. My advice: invest in good eye cream, and hang in there sweetheart!

    Reply
    • Hahaha, I like that advice! I look tired all the time because of the permanent bags under my eyes. I’m doing my best to keep going! Thanks πŸ˜€

      Reply
  10. Try to look at it this way: Not doing too much is probably better for your health than if you study all the time. When I was a student I had a period where I got a bit too eager, and I started walking into lamps, falling down staircases and found my new winter boots in the fridge. No idea how they got there. “Too much studying” said the doctor. ” You need to party more”. So for a full week I partied like there was no tomorrow. At the end of that week I decided to stay home, and my sister, with whom I was sharing the flat, asked if she should bring her keys with her, since she was going to the movies. “No need” said I. ” I’ll be home all evening”. Which I was. But when she came home I slept like the dead, and didn’t hear her knocking, ringing the bell, and in the end banging on the door. She woke up everyone in the entire building except me. They called the police for help. They could not force the door. The police called the fire department, who were all smug, and said they would have this fixed in 10 minutes. After half an hour they gave up, and assured my sister that I was not there. Because there was not a living soul who could sleep through all that. My sister had to spend the night on the uncomfortable antique sofa in the flat of the very stiff 60 year old lawyer who lived downstairs from us. And she had her period and was afraid that she would bleed on his antique sofa. This is 32 years ago and she still has not forgiven me. So look at the bright side. Having a healthy balance between partying and studying is much better, and you will avoid having people being mad at you for a lifetime.

    Reply
    • Such a story! Man! It’s kind of scary, so I’ll take your advice and make sure to party enough…. (For which I luckily had the chance this week, and I already feel a lot better!)

      Reply

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